wedding road trip

Next Steps

Now that Chris and I are married, we all know what happens next, right? Here’s what Lowes has to say:

Why is the American Dream so predictable? Lowes, how about Chris and I don’t buy a house in favor of giving up our apartment, traveling around the country, with a plan to explore communities different from our own? Does that screw up your marketing campaign?

WeFace

Meet Alex and Kim. Oops, I’m sorry: AlexandKim. AlexandKim have one Facebook profile, which normally includes their shared last name (I retouched it out). Now, I don’t actually know AlexandKim. They’re a friend of a friend of a friend- and yes; I’m using the singular of “friend,” because, as noted above, AlexandKim are ONE PERSON. (And they’re also both female, according to their profile. I wonder how the Alexand feels about andKim’s decision to change his gender?)

Now, I think AlexandKim look like very nice people. People I’d want to have dinner with and shoot the shit. Of course, AlexandKim would probably disagree, given that I’m clowning on their profile. (A&K: I’m doing this for your own good. You’ll thank me later.)

WeFacers of the Social Universe, repeat after me: GETTING MARRIED DOES NOT MEAN THAT I NO LONGER HAVE A PERSONAL IDENTITY.

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WeFacing. None. It’s almost as bad as WeMailing- but at least with WeMailing, no one is subjected to a string of couple profile pictures and status updates like, “AlexandKim are reading a book” (really… at the same time? Are they each holding a side?) and “AlexandKim are in the shower” (ahem).

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WeMailing. Zero. Welcome to 2010- email has been around for more than thirty years. You should know how to run your own personal account by now. So when I write you about my insane cramps and hatred of all things with “wings”, I don’t want to get a response from your husband advising me to take some Motrin.

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WePhoning: Unless you’re caught underneath a boulder, rendering it impossible for you to race across the room to answer my call, your spouse shouldn’t be answering your cell phone. And if you’re caught underneath a boulder, he or she should probably be helping you, not talking to me.

Maybe you disagree. Sell me on the virtues of WeMail, WeFace, and WePhone. I’m willing to change my mind…  so long as my husband agrees.