Photo by Lesley Bryce Photography
Denotative (that’s the dictionary definition, folks): a wedding is “a marriage ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities” or “an act, process, or instance of joining in close association.”
Yet when you type “a wedding is” in a Google search box, these are the statements that show up…
Connotative (that’s the meaning we assign):
A wedding is…
“one of the most important days in a couple’s life.”
“a daunting but exciting prospect.”
“a huge undertaking.”
“often more stressful than any job in a restaurant kitchen.”
“an exercise filled with dread.”
“as involved as initiating a new company startup.”
“is one of the most expensive things an adult will spend their money on.”
My definition:
A wedding is just one of many special days commemorating the joining of two people in one committed relationship.”
The question is… what is yours?
While researching the history of bridesmaids for Wedding Road Trip, I came across a story that had me choking on my coffee.
According to an article in the Daily Mail (circa 2008), one in five women ask their BFFs to sign a bridesmaid pre-nup. Included:
- Don’t get fat
- Don’t get pregnant
- Don’t cut your hair
- Don’t get engaged
- Don’t move to another state
While I have a hard time believing this statistic is even remotely close to factual, I have to say that I am not surprised.
As a former bridesmaid (five times over), I have been pretty lucky. The dresses were nice, the brides chill, and the duties reasonable. Take a look at the picture to the left. Notice how happy I am to be wearing a lavender dress and holding a bouquet of flowers. You want to know why?
The bride didn’t suck.
That being said, other women around the bridal world have not been nearly as fortunate. For those bridesmaids, past, present, and future, I offer up the only recourse in my arsenal- the written word.
THE TEN BRIDESMAID COMMANDMENTS FOR THE NEWLY ENGAGED
*compiled through conversations with friends… not from personal experience
Thou shalt not tell your Maid of Honor that she must not get pregnant during your engagement period. You do not own her uterus.
Thou shalt not adorn your bridesmaids in dresses that purposely make them look fatter than you. Go to the gym.
Thou shalt not expect your out-of-state bridesmaids to attend more than one pre-wedding event. And share your frequent flier miles while you’re at it, you stingy beast.
Thou shalt not give all but one bridesmaid a special title, ie: “This is my Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, and my Bridesmaid.” Cue the pigeons in Cinderella.
Thou shalt not expect reciprocity when your bridesmaids get married. Not everyone wants twenty-five BFFs standing next to them at their wedding.
Thou shalt not require honesty from your bridesmaids on the day of your wedding. The answer to “do I look fat and ugly in this dress” will always be “no” from your bridesmaids, even if you look like the Exxon Valdez, pre-oil spill.
Thou shalt remember to thank your bridesmaids during your wedding toast. Even if you hate them at this point, it will save you hours of arguments in the future.
Thou shalt not tell your bridesmaids how to “act” at your reception. If you’re worried that your Maid of Honor will disgrace herself in the bushes behind the church bingo hall, you probably should have left that friendship back in high school.
Thou shalt not favor one bridesmaid over another. Saying the phrase, “I had to add an extra bridesmaid because I needed both sides to be even,” may cause your friends to wonder who was the (unlucky) fifth.
Thou shalt not ask male bridesmaids to attend the bachelorette party. You’re emasculating them enough as is, trust me.
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