wedding road trip

14,000 miles, 200 friends, two lives, one big decision

Wedding Cake Traditions Gone Wrong

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I was cleaning out some boxes when I came across this picture from my dad’s wedding a few years back. Oh, who am I kidding? A few decades back. There I am, charging toward the cake with a passion usually reserved for Garbage Pail Kids, Snoopy Sno Cone Machines, and Hubba-Bubba. And yes, I threw in a hyperlink on that last one because you’re probably so young you have no idea what Hubba-Bubba is.

The wedding cake. It’s iconic and all-important. The question is… why?

It used to symbolize a bride’s virginity. Back in ye olde Roman days, a groom would break a wedding cake over his young bride’s head as a symbol of their new, ahem, “togetherness”. This tradition disappeared in the 19th century, which is probably a good thing given that less than half of modern American girls are virgins when they get married. I can just imagine Chris grabbing the cake, holding it over my head and then saying
“psyche!” Plus, seriously, who wants buttercream frosting on a recently shelacked up-do? Yuck.

It used to be a great way to get a date. Dating back as early as the 17th century, female wedding guests were known to take pieces of the nuptial cake and put it under their pillows in the hopes that their sweet dreams would lure in their future husbands. I am picturing this in a cockroach-infested building in New York and the results are not pretty.

It used to symbolize the first joint task performed by the newly-minted husband and wife. This tradition used to be followed by the bride handing out pieces of cake to all of the guests, symbolizing her first task as a wife. Given that most modern weddings have one hundred or more guests, this tradition now includes the wife handing the task off to the catering staff.

The question is… what does a wedding cake symbolize in the year 2009? Is it worth a thousand bucks to keep it in the reception rotation? I’m leaning towards no… especially after spending a few hours last week finding the world’s most ridiculous wedding cake toppers. Convince me otherwise. I’m ready.

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Twas the Night Before the Wedding (Practice)

There are certain wedding traditions that don’t work as well in the year 2009. One of these is the whole “wake up on the morning of your wedding  in your childhood bedroom” tradition. Given that most people don’t stay in the same house their entire lives anymore, most people’s childhood rooms seem to disappear somewhere between high school graduation and dad’s mid-life crisis.

In my case, my childhood room never really existed. I grew up in eleven different homes in two different cities. Right now my dad lives in a house on a golf course that he snagged thanks to a foreclosure (thanks, 2009!) two months ago. Not much tradition there, obviously.

But there’s still something about waking up the morning of the final ceremony and having my dad there.

Not in bed with me, you perv.

So I’ve asked him to relinquesh the second story of his house for the night before my wedding. He has no idea what he’s getting into… hehehe…

(to be continued)

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