Over the past six months, Roxy has become a part of our family in a way that we never expected. After all, she is just a “brilliant silver” 2010 Ford Fusion- a mere material possession. Maybe it’s the fact that we practically lived in her as we traversed the country during the final days before our marriage ceremony. Or maybe it’s that she represented a connection to the country at large every time we passed a Ford dealership. It may sound stupid to you, but it is very real to us.

We spent our last moments with Roxy on the coldest, dreariest day of the year. We took some pictures, shot some video, and listened to her Sync voice one more time.  As she drove off to meet her maker (Jason Camp of the Los Angeles Media Fleet Division), Chris and looked in the opposite direction to keep from bawling. We will miss Roxy, but the bottom line cost of purchasing a car of her quality just doesn’t jive with our current financial goals.

To borrow from Marley and Me, I have these final words about Roxy, arguably the world’s greatest car:

“What I really wanted to say was how this car had touched our souls and taught us some of the most important lessons of our lives. Roxy taught us about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. She taught me to appreciate the simple things- a drive into the sunset, singing along to the radio, and traveling between the cities of the people you love most.”

Side note: To all the asshats who thought we changed our name to Ford because we wanted to get free stuff, I hope you’ll now find someone else to verbally assault. We’re Fordless Fords… and we’re cool with that.

For the overly serious of you (and yes, I know who you are), I jest. The trip rocked and I loved almost everything. So when I tell you about my favorite food, it’s not because I didn’t have forty other homemade meals that were delicious. Everyone was a fantastic “guest” and treated us really well. Even those with dogs that tried to mount us (true story!). So here are some random favorites…

Best Mix CD

Many had asked about which was the best CD we were given at our Red Devil Lounge Kickoff party, and the winner was Colleen Crouch, who amazed us with a large collection of This American Life, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Savage Love, and mashups.

But we had dozens of other great ones, and Erin Camarena, Christina Kerby, and Matt Caywood all deserve shout-outs.

And so does Evan Hayden for having the balls to start a CD with Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John…which totally rocked.

Prettiest Drive

We live in a very good looking country! I know you grew up with her, and see her a lot, but clear your mind and look at her again. Yup, she’s not just the kid you went to elementary school with – she’s HOT!

Take that, Europe, you cold bitch.

We saw lots of great scenery, some surprising (West Texas, Kentucky, northeastern Oregon) and others expected (Mount Shasta, the St. Petersburg-Clearwater Bridge). My favorite though was the drive from Denver to Santa Fe – first the green eastern slope of the Rockies, with towering mountains in the distance and pancake flat plains below, then through a pass to New Mexico, stark and striking, with its bleak yellow mesas shadowed by the occasional solitary cloud.

Funnest Drive

Since New Mexico appears to have a population of 17 people, it’s light on the highway patrol. Roxy got to visit 110 MPH for a little while…though Jaime hit 112 in Utah. The hairpin turns on Independence Pass above Aspen were also a ball, although Jaime was sure we were going to die. So for high speed entertainment, I recommend driving from Utah into Arizona on I-10 through the video game-inspired Virgin River valley – sheer walls of rock, constant turns, and steep downward grade.

Funniest Drive

The Tampa to Ft. Lauderdale drive, featuring the stunning St. Petersburg-Clearwater Bridge and the arcade game danger of Alligator Alley – where I honestly expected a two lane road threatened by snapping gators. It’s actually quite dull but the entertainment value for Jaime when I shared my vision made it a lot more fun. And driving through Florida is accompanied by its insane collection of billboards that advertise—in succession—porn, an end to abortions, and vasectomies. These themes may be related.

Best BBQ

Mark’s Feed Store of Louisville does have some good BBQ, but Chad Pilbeam of greater outer Houston left work two hours early to mesquite smoke two whole chickens. And it was outstanding.

Craziest Drivers

Hands down, the people of Cleveland, who were apparently texting constantly or were blowing a 0.8. Genuinely scary driving with people swerving between lanes or slowing down to 40 on the interstate then speeding up to 70.

Best Restaurant (that we went to on our own)

I’m not going to evaluate the places people took us, because there is no way I could pick a favorite. But we had some lunches and dinners on our own, with the far and away standout being Magnolia’s Restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina. Fried chicken, pork shoulder, a crab cake…it was rich, unhealthy, and delicious.

However, a surprisingly frequent response is “that sounds so relaxing” or “what a great vacation!” I hate to break it to everyone, but…  this is not going to be a pleasure cruise.

• We’ll be covering 11,000 miles in 42 days, visiting around 38 cities and 200 people. That’s a lot of sensory input.
• Mapquest estimates some of our drives as 14+ hours. I get antsy after 3 hours in a car.
• As a personal dare, we are driving without a CD player or iPod, and just relying on AM radio. (Ok, I’m kidding.)
• iTunes claims I have almost 5 days of music on my laptop. That should cover us for the first quarter of the trip. By the time we reach Philly, we’ll be pretty tired of every song we own and very sick of NPR.
• We won’t be spending more than three nights in any one place, and will be guests of friends and family almost every night.
• We may not like some places. For example, I’m a little edgy about Texas, since I imagine that anyone who’s ever voted to the left of Barry Goldwater is viewed suspiciously outside of Austin. On the other hand, I love BBQ, so Texas is worth the visit for the food alone.
• I still have no idea how we’ll do laundry.

Now don’t me wrong, I am so looking forward to this trip - to see friends and new places, learn different ways of life, and get a break from the ordinary. But there is very little relaxation planned. Every place we are visiting is with the intention of visiting people. We considered side trips to the Outer Banks and Montreal…but we would have had to cut out visits to some friends and that’s not the point of the trip.

Before you feel bad for us, though, Jaime and I already know that we are not fans of relaxing vacations. Last year we went to Mexico for a week and tried relaxing on the beach, just clearing our minds and decompressing. But within a few hours, we were talking with people, playing volleyball or bingo, and planning excursions. We just like being on the go.

And any day you drive from Santa Fe to Dallas for 10 hours, but get to see Oklahoma City for the first time, eat some great BBQ, and visit old friends - well, that’s a good day.

Q: What is a Wedding Road Trip?
A wedding road trip is a journey around the country to visit friends and family before a couple exchanges wedding vows. During the Wedding Road Trip, the bride and groom ask these friends and family members questions about life, love and marriage. Consider it the pre-marital counseling of 2009. (Okay, that a was a weak attempt to sound like a dictionary definition. But whatev.

Q: Doesn’t it make sense to take the trip after you get married? I think they call that a “honeymoon” in some cultures.
Yes, we are well aware of this thing you call a “honeymoon”. We totally support honeymoons, and go so far as to even encourage them. However, going on the trip after the wedding completely defeats the entire purpose of the Wedding Road Trip, which is to talk to our friends and family about marriage before we get married.

Q: Ok. But couldn’t you have given the trip a more original name… like Jaime and Chris’s US Takeover or something?
We decided it was in our best interest not to give the trip a name that would add us to the airport security Don’t Fly list. Wedding Road Trip is the most intuitive name for what we’re doing, and to be honest, we were shocked when we realized that the domain name wasn’t taken.

Q: So you’re driving around the country to visit friends and family before the wedding. Yada, yada, yada. I’ve totally done that before with my (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, secret lover). How is what you’re doing original?
It’s not our goal to be seen as groundbreaking. We came up with this idea for several reasons that include saving people money, spending quality time with friends and family, and preparing ourselves for our future together. That being said, this is not just a road trip around the country. This is a fact-finding mission. Marriage is serious stuff.

Q: So you’re going to annoy people with a bunch of questions and then skip town?
Hopefully it won’t roll out QUITE like that. We do have some things that we want to know, but our questions won’t take up every second of the time that we’re visiting with someone. Basically, Chris and I want people to tell us everything they think we need to know before we get married. At the end of each visit, we’ll have each person sign off on our future marriage, basically saying they’ve told us everything we need to know to succeed.

Q: Wait. SIGN OFF on your future marriage?
Well, most people have two witnesses to their marriages. We’re going to have two hundred and two. Of course, we are required by the Party Gods to celebrate after each signature. It’s only fair.

Q: Which means you’ll party in every city you visit?
Sort of. Really, it depends on the city and who is involved. But we’ll definitely put on our best Wedding Road trip gear- I’m going to have a special white dress and Chris will have a tux.

Q: Wait… you’ll wear the same dress and tux in every city?
Yep. But not the entire time. There’s hygiene to consider and we actually want to keep our friends and family.

Q: So at the end of the Wedding Road Trip you’ll get married, right?
Yes. We’re having a beach party with family and a few friends in August to sign the official documents.

Q: What if you get to the end of the road trip and you no longer want to get married?
Better to make that decision before we get married rather than after, wouldn’t you say?