So maybe you got just a little too happy with the 007 gun this weekend and registered for everything from a $2000 cappuccino maker to seven different colors of the same KitchenAid mixer. Now it’s Sunday afternoon and you’re wondering if you can cancel the seven different registries you started while amped up on caffeine and free waffles.
Absolutely. In fact, do it RIGHT NOW before your friends start calling you an evil little Bride Troll for being so greedy. Here’s how you do it:
1. Go to the company’s website and log in to your registry. Dig up that piece of paper that the store gave you when you completed your registry. On that paper you should find your login info and password. Log in. If you can’t find this piece of paper, go directly to Step 3.
2. Look for a link that says something like “my account.” Scroll down past your name, address, and other info until you see a checked box that says something similar to “allow online and in-store peeps to view/buy gifts from your registry.” Uncheck that box. Click save.
3. Get on the phone and call the company. Your work is not done… yet. Most companies will keep your hidden registry in their archives until the end of time, unless you call and ask them to completely remove you from their database. Keep in mind that when you call, most companies will require you to prove that the about-to-be-canceled registry is yours by calling you back at the phone number you gave while registering. Others… not so much.
Example:
Customer Service: “Famous Online Jewelry/Registry Company. How can I help you?”
Greedy Bride: “Hi, this is Not Going to Be Such a Greedy Bride Anymore. I’d like to cancel my wedding registry.”
Customer Service: “No problem, I’ll cancel it right now.”
Yes, this is a true story. No, I’m not going to tell you the name of the store. But keep in mind that this can happen and try not to make any enemies in your bridal party or you might find yourself without a registry on your special day.
Wedding registries make me cranky. I hate them in concept, though understand their necessity. It’s either a registry or twenty-five random heart-shaped vases.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when employees of franchise stores like Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Crate and Barrel use the word “I” in relation to the products they are pushing. For example:
Employee: Welcome to Bed, Bath and Beyond! Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I’m looking for a desk lamp. Do you have any of those?
Employee: Yes, I do have three desk lamps. Would you like me to show you where I keep them?
Me: Are you going to take me to your house?
Employee: (looks confused) Sorry?
Me: You said “I” have three desk lamps. So I was just wondering if you were going to sell them out of the back of your car or something.
Employee: No, no, I mean here at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Me: Oh, see, I got confused because you said “I have three desk lamps.” I didn’t think you actually owned or created anything here at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I thought you worked for Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Employee: Would you like to see the lamps or not?
Me: Of course. Lead the way.
Ok. So that’s not the real reason we’re not skipping down the aisles of BB & B with a 007 scanner gun. But you have to admit, the above conversation would have annoyed you too.
I’ve decided to start a new category specifically for brides, grooms and wedding vendors who do things that defy reason, logic, or common decency. Of course, I will always hide the names to protect the “innocent”… not because I think they should be kept secret, but because I can’t afford a slander lawsuit right now. I’ll let Perez Hilton handle those.
Today in Oh Yes They Did, I offer you the following registry, sent to me by a friend of a friend:
I know you’re itching to click on that donate button above. Sorry, but what you’re seeing is a screen grab and not the real deal. I know. So disappointing. I guess you’ll have to go buy a few pairs of jeans to accumulate some consumer debt instead.
Registering for gifts is a useful thing. It helps you and your beloved decide what you’ll need at your new home. It also decreases the risk that you and your beloved will get really unattractive plateware from your distant Aunt Elma.
For some reason, however, registering turns even the nicest of brides (yes, that means you!) into evil little bride trolls. Here are just ten of the reasons how:
#10 You think it’s totally normal to register at your local bank.
“But we just bought a house!” you cry. Awesome. Inviting someone to help pay your mortgage is like asking your best friend to chip in for your electric bill after she comes over to watch The Bachelor. Would you do it? I don’t think so.
#9 You register at stores that are known to give cash back for unwanted wedding gifts.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me to register at certain stores because I’ll get cash back when I return the gifts that my family and friends have purchased off of my registry. To this I say… “why don’t I just walk down the aisle dressed as a set of branches and have people throw money at me instead?”
#8 You have a sudden need to register for an organic juicer.
Nevermind the fact that the last time you had a cup of juice was when you were cleaning out your cubby in kindergarten.
#7 You think it’s normal for a dinner plate to cost over a hundred dollars.
You even find yourself saying, “people will be cool with giving me one dinner plate as a gift, right?”
#6 You decide that you deserve to sleep on 500-thread count sheets when, up until now, you’ve been sleeping on an aerobed with Batman cotton twinsheets.
#5 You register at every store that offers a registry.
You even say things like, “this gives people so many options!” Even though what people are really saying behind your back is, “Troll Bride is one greedy mofo!”
#4 You cry when the flatware you want has been discontinued.
Nevermind the fact that you didn’t even KNOW the word “flatware” two weeks ago.
#3 You send your registry information to your vendors.
Your rationale is, of course, that they’ll be at your wedding, so they should naturally bring you a gift, right?
#2 You send out anonymous tips to friends and family to remind them that you have registries.
Of course, in your gift grubbing frenzy, you forget that your “anonymous tips” were printed on stationery that matches your invitations. Busted!
#1 They know you by name at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
And it’s not because you work there.
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