As a kid, I hated getting green apples while trick or treating… why would they be ANY better as a wedding favor?

#9: The Fake Bird’s Nest

Yes, yes, I know these are supposed to be Jordan almonds. But c’mon… do I really want to imagine a baby bird while I eat them? Crunch… crunch…

#8  The Free Tree Favor

Yay! A free tree that I can plant in honor of Mr. Schmo and Mrs. Schmoett in… the concrete outside my apartment in San Francisco.

#7  The Decoration That’s Disguised as a Favor

Look! It’s a present for me! It’s… a sparkler that I can use to send off the happy couple!

#6  The Favor That Kills the Environment

There’s nothing quite like 100 plastic bottles of water to say, “ozone layer? what ozone layer?” Plus, water should be a given, damn it, NOT a favor.

#5  The “Why Not Get Lung Cancer While You’re At It?” Favor

Note to people who plan to give out cigars as favors- approximately FIVE people will enjoy getting a cancer stick as a favor. The other 95 will hate you for eternity when the other five start smoking them at your reception.

#4  The Golf Ball Candle

There are no words for this. None.

#3  The Pseudo Polly Pocket Favor

Wanna grill up some fake hamburger meat, pardner?  A bottle of BBQ sauce= useful. A mini BBQ set= FAIL.

#2  The Fake Alcohol Favor

You think you’re getting a nice little bottle of bubbly. But no, you’re getting a crappy fake champagne bottle full of bubble bath. NOT. FAIR.

#1  The Gross Wedding Favor That Makes You Want to Hurl

Because nothing says love quite like eating your second cousin’s face.