Once upon a time in a land far far away, I was very, very bored. So I did what all good twenty-somethings do when they are listless with no evening plans- I jumped on Craig’s List.
Now, I must say, this was one of only two occasions in my lifetime that I have looked for a date on Craig’s List. The second time I ended up going out with an AirSoft rifle-toting, band-starting, psych ward resident freak named Travis. The first time, I met Chris.
From the moment I met him, Chris and I were destined to be “just friends”. Perhaps it was because I couldn’t handle the fact that he’s funnier than me or just way more easygoing. Either way, after our first meet up, we immediately embarked on a mission to ruin our friendship by a) writing a screenplay together and b) running the Nike Women’s Marathon. While the screenplay has yet to be finished, we did manage to finish half the marathon without killing each other.
A couple of years ago, Chris met his match in a woman named Leigh. Within six months, they were engaged and, inside of a year, married. It was just that easy. In fact, everything about Chris and Leigh is easy: the way they talk, the way they relate to each other, even the way they order their Mexican food.
Which brings us to Wednesday night in Austin, Texas. Chris and Leigh picked us up at our sweet local hotel, The Austin Motel, and took us to the famous Central Market, which resembles an IKEA, minus the particle board and plus a ridiculous amount of good-for-you food. We picked out a couple of local brews to bring to the Mexican joint where we would be having dinner. I guess everywhere but California is relaxed about the BYOB thing, as I have yet to hear the words “corkage fee.”
The atmosphere at the restaurant, La Cocina de Consuelo, was basically like having a home-cooked meal in an exotic backyard. As we noshed on the best enchiladas I’ve ever had, Chris and Leigh told us about their marriage. Again, I was astonished at just how damn easy they make it all sound. They even work in the same room together every day, albeit facing in opposite directions. When Chris travels for business, he goes to Herculean efforts to make sure he’s back the same night because he hates sleeping without his wife. To be totally honest, if I hadn’t met Chris pre-Leigh, I would have been checking both of their backs for zippers after the first beer. If you don’t get this reference, click here and then chuckle to yourself about how old I am. After that, laugh about how I use words like “chuckle.”
After dinner, Chris and Leigh took us to a one of the coolest bars I’ve ever seen at the Hotel San Jose. We looked a little mismatched with Chris and Leigh in their trendy threads and us in our completely sodden Wedding Road trip gear, but thankfully no one pointed and laughed at us on our way to our table. Over drinks, Chris admitted that it has been a bit hard for him and Leigh to make close friends in Austin, as most people already have their friend groups figured out. This baffles me, as I can’t imagine who wouldn’t want to be friends with these two, but, you know, people suck.
We’ve had a lot of great experiences on this trip, but I have to say, hanging out with Chris and Leigh is near the top of the list. Friends like the Brownes don’t come around too often, and I feel very glad that I took the Craig’s List gamble so many years ago.
P.S. I hear the Air Soft psycho rifle guy is now a father who plays semi-pro football and sleeps on his friends couches instead of paying rent. No wonder California is in debt.
After hanging out with Chad and Kristine, Chris and I spent part of the drive to Austin talking about coincidence versus pre-destination. Last night, Chad told us a story of a sequence of events that he believes was too synchronistic to be just a series of coincidences. He maintains that God often makes things happen in his/our lives. My cousin also holds the same belief about several serendipitous occasions in her own journey through life. While I’m not sure where I fall on the pre-destination versus coincidence spectrum, I do believe that things present themselves as needed- sort of a “the universe provides” philosophy.
Case in point… this afternoon, somewhere between Houston and Austin. We had just fattened Roxy up with some much needed gasoline when we noticed her odometer, which was hovering around five thousand miles. Having been raised by a father who spent quite a bit of time educating me on the relative merits of changing the oil in my old Ford Ranger, I told Chris that it was time to find a Ford dealer to grease Roxy up.
Now, keep in mind that we were in the middle of nowhere when the following conversation happened:
Jaime: I think we need to get Roxy’s oil changed. She seems a little thirsty.
Chris: I seriously doubt we’re going to find a Ford dealer anywhere near here. We’d better wait until Austin.
Jaime: I think we’ll find one.
At this point, I put the car in drive, pulled out of the gas station and drove up a nearby hill to find? You guessed it. A Ford dealer, with a Quick Lube station that was completely empty. We were in and out of the dealer in twenty minutes, with Roxy purring happily the rest of the way to Austin.
God or coincidence? You decide.
I met Jon back in junior high school through a youth group called Flipside. Given that I was boy crazy, I of course had a crush on him immediately. Since we met roughly twenty years ago, I can safely say that I am totally over:
- The fact that he flushed a poem I wrote him down the toilet.
- The fact that he held my hand in the back of a church van and then denied it twenty minutes later.
- The fact that he would go for months and months without answering my thoughtfully-penned, extremely wise high school letters.
To Jon, I say about all of this… it’s still your fault!
But like I said, I’ve moved on.
Jon now lives in Irving, Texas, approximately two miles from Dutch the Horny Dog. He is married to Deborah, a wonderful woman with a kind heart and a wicked sense of humor. This is Jon’s second marriage, as the first ended when he realized that yes, his new wife was actually quite crazy. Thankfully, Jon found his way out of that marriage and into a solid relationship with a woman that I am sure will be by his side for the long haul. If not, I like her so much that she can totally move into my guest room. If I had one.
Given that we showed up a half an hour late and Jon was eyeing my left bicep quite hungrily, we decided to grab food right away. Deborah took us to her favorite local Korean joint, where the food was so good that I actually considered breaking my incredibly boring eating habits to make a return trip the next day. Then it was off to get some bubble tea, where we chatted about life, love, marriage, and the ridiculously odd music that was pumping out of the loudspeakers.
Back at casa de Jon + Deborah, we continued the interview. Given that they are in their second year of marriage, they had some keen insights on how to handle the first year. Jon pointed out that he had to learn to fight differently, as Deborah doesn’t respond well to shouting matches. Deborah mentioned that she had to learn to deal with Jon’s guy friends, who seemed to be suffering from the delusion that Jon was still single. Both seemed pretty set on the idea that good communication is what keeps them together. I completely agree, as I often like to communicate to Chris that he should rub my feet, scratch my back, and read me bedtime stories. Just kidding. Sort of.
Deborah, who is considering a career in psychology, managed to turn the interview around to us faster than you can say, “avoidance tactic.” To be honest, I can’t remember what the question was exactly that led me to burst into tears and consider the next flight home. It’s amazing what talking about marriage for eleven days straight can do to a girl. All I know is the conversation went something like this:
Jaime: Maybe if you’d actually help me, I wouldn’t have to get up at 5am every morning to do my freelance work, update the website, Twitter, Facebook, and answer emails!
Chris: What do you call driving all the way from Santa Fe to Dallas? That’s helping!
Jaime: Right. You didn’t drive the whole way. I drove from Amarillo to Johnson, which is just outside of Dallas. Of course, you were too busy checking email to write a blog.
Chris: I have to schedule the New York portion of our trip.
Jaime: You’ve been scheduling that for the past two weeks! I scheduled everything on my end before we left. What do you think I’ve been working on for the past two months?
Chris: Well, obviously you’re pretty slow at it if it took you that long!
I would include the rest but you get the gist. Grr. July 12 is sounding far, far away.
In the Mahoney household, things happen fast. From the second they opened the door to the moment we left, life was happening at a breakneck speed. Kids laughing, dogs barking, parents shouting. I haven’t seen Tanya in three years, but from the moment I first saw her again, I felt at home.
Within fifteen minutes of arriving at Tanya and Bill’s house in Irving, Texas:
- Bill popped open a bottle of Vueve Clicquot, subsequently cementing his place on my list of Top Ten Spouses for-evah.
- Tanya’s dog Dutch humped me on the leg and from behind approximately 422 times.
- Tanya handed me a copy of Dallas magazine to “use as blog fodder.” I am currently employing my secret sources to investigate whether she’s been hired by the Chamber of Commerce to convince Chris and me to move to the Lone Star state. After being plied with champagne and my own personal doggie “friend”, I have my suspicions.
Within thirty minutes of arriving at Tanya and Bill’s house, we were playing miniature golf across the street, drinks in hand. Even though I was once a member of the prestigious PMGA, I managed to show how well I can slide into last place after just one drink. Bill, on the other hand, mastered the course like he lived across the street from it. Which, coincidentally, he does.
Can we just pause for a moment and say… SERIOUSLY? I mean… SERIOUSLY? How many people have a MINIATURE GOLF COURSE basically in their yard? To add insult to injury, the house two doors down from them, a 4,000 square foot, gorgeous home complete with pool was selling for $500,000, which is basically the cost of a studio in San Francisco. Tanya was quick to point out that the house for sale right next door, a smaller version of the house on the corner, is going for three and change, which is approximately what you’d pay to own a cardboard box in the Bay Area. Grr…
Little did I know what was in store for us at dinner…
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