wedding road trip

Day 32: The Death of Roxy

Since we are in Roxy’s homeland, aka Ford Country, it only made sense to visit our pal Scott Monty and the rest of the crew at the Ford World Headquarters. While I plan on writing about the entire visit, I feel the need to first share with you the most disturbing moment of our trip to date. Keep in mind that this moment beats out Chris and my almost breakup, Dutch the Horny Dog, and the nose-breathing coffee house stalker.

Scene: Scott Monty’s Office, Ford World Headquarters, late morning. Scott is furiously hacking away at his Blackberry as Chris scans a nearby magazine.

Jaime: So, Scott… what happens to media fleet cars like Roxy after they’ve, you know, jumped the shark?
Scott: (completely serious) Well, typically after they’ve served their time, they are taken away and destroyed. (note: he actually used the word “destroyed.”)
Jaime: You don’t give them a makeover and resell them? Or at least turn them into rental cars?
Scott: Na, when they’re done, they’re done. It’s not like there’s a pound for media fleet cars. We usually dismantle them and reuse the parts.

Later, at the Ford Rouge Plant, I saw a map that laid out the locations of  the various operations. My eyes zeroed in on one building that is simply called, “Tool & Die.” While someone might try to tell you that the Tool and Die building is where machinery can be fixed or altered, I’m here to say that they are flat out lying. Tool and Die is the place where media fleet cars go to be slaughtered and turned into automotive hot dogs.

It’s no secret that we love Roxy in a deeply personal way that is almost a little embarrassing. Okay, a lot embarrassing. So the idea of her not going to Media Fleet Heaven hurts my heart. I am working on a plot to save her from this fate, but I don’t know how to do it without doing something illegal or involving circus midgets. So I’ll have to keep thinking.