Yesterday, Chris and I were walking to dinner and discussing how couples tend to gain weight once they get married. Determined to go in the opposite direction, Chris proclaimed, “we should make a pact. If either of us gains fifty pounds, the other can sleep with someone else. Pregnancy not included, of course. Unless you’re carrying that extra weight around two years after the baby is born. Deal?”

I thought about it for a moment and then revised. “Twenty.  I think it should be twenty pounds.”

And so it is. While I’m not a fan of open relationships, I’m also not really interested in packing on the extra pounds. This just might be the ticket to wedded bliss- or at least a series of awesome hookups…

P.S. Chris, wanna piece of chocolate cake? How about two?

Over-scheduled.

Within the next month:

We will say goodbye to Roxy. (Right now it’s scheduled for next week, but we’re hoping to keep her through the end of the trip.)
We will get married.
We will find an apartment.
We will attend a wedding.
We will interview at least fifty more people.
Chris will work.
I will attempt to work.
I will attend a bachelorette party and a wedding shower.
We will both try not to kill each other.

With uncertain jobs, transitioning apartments, and a future that’s full of overcast San Francisco weather… it’s hard not to dream of being back in Louisville, worrying about duck attacks. I can’t wait to get back on the road Friday, when we head down to Ventura to interview some of our Southern California peeps.

While I was gone, I must admit that I didn’t miss you too much. But that was understandable, because we were pretty busy – visiting friends and family, driving through incredible nature, and whale watching.

Now that I’m back, I want to give a shout out to the things that I missed – my friends of course, many of whom came out for a raucous kickoff party, and the combination of mountains and water so rare in an urban environment. But I also missed…

• Good food at our favorite local restaurants Patxi’s, Velvet Cantina, and Alamo Square Grill
• Amazing coffee – really, the best in the world – from Martha & Bros and Blue Bottle
• Local cafes like Central Coffee (where I am now), Café Abir, and The Grove
• The Kabuki movie theater, where you can get assigned seats and buy beer and wine, all in a beautiful facility not geared toward 14-year old boys hepped up on giant, refillable Cokes
• Live music at some of the best venues anywhere, such as The Fillmore, The Independent, Café du Nord, the Great American Music Hall, and the Greek Theatre
• Incredible fresh fruit and avocados – and thank you to all our friends that allowed us to order guacamole whenever possible.

Crazy Homeless Guy, probably somewhere in SF right now

That said, I did not miss batshit crazy homeless people everywhere, fog, very smelly buses, $26 billion budget deficits, and super expensive rent. In fact, San Francisco, while I love you, there are a lot of other cities in the US that are eating your lunch. So though it pains me, I’ve got to tell you who does it better.

• NYC has way better parks and street trees. Every neighborhood seems to have a beautiful square filled with lawns, benches, and ball fields, and almost every street is lined with huge trees. Really, San Francisco, get with the tree program.
• Chicago has a city government that is actually progressive and gets things done (green roof program, Millennium Park) rather than occupying itself with posturing and giving into navel-gazing special interests.
• Louisville’s art scene was the best I’ve seen in a long time, between the waterfront park and the 21C Hotel gallery.
• Salt Lake City and Denver have better weather and more awesomer mountains.
• Downtown Seattle has more buzz going on than SF, with its museums, sports stadiums, central business district, main shopping area, and waterfront all within one compact area – which is loaded with turn-of-the century brick buildings.
• Portland is better for biking, with bike lanes and boulevards clearly marked everywhere. And if even if you don’t bike, that takes cars off the road and people out of buses and trains, so transportation is easier for everyone.
• Last but not least, Detroit has cooler buildings. Yes, many of them are in ruins, but even the intact mansions and skyscrapers are world-class.

So, San Francisco, you’re wonderful and there’s a lot to like about you. But don’t believe your own hype too much, and don’t go raising rents like crazy, because there’s some real competition out there.

Love, Chris

This morning, as she drove Chris and me to Crunch, she even complimented me on my slightly-more-toned physique. We then shared a b0nding moment as Lady Gaga played over the radio. When the song finished, Chris uttered a sentence that stopped me cold:

“I could live outside of the City now, I mean, if you want to. I don’t think I mind driving anymore.”

I’m sorry, what? This from the guy who swore he’d never live outside of the City, would never drive a car more than once a month, and would never consider living somewhere like Napa or Sonoma and commute in a few days a week.

If he tells me that he’ll also live in a gated community (the equivalent of death to all urban planners), I will fully believe that Ford has been serving him the good punch behind my back.

Location:  Office of the County Clerk
Service Description:  Marriage License Reservation
Date:  Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Time:  8:30am
With:  Marriage License Reservation

Crazy that one of the most important decisions Chris and I will ever make can be scheduled via an online service. And on our two-year anniversary, no less.

My feet are feeling ever-so-slightly cold, once again.

Oxygen, please. Give.Me.Oxygen.

I’ve seen Erin approximately four times over the past two years.

It’s not that I don’t want to see Erin… it’s just that life got in the way. It seemed that she was always busy buying a house, getting engaged, buying a car, starting a new job, acquiring another house, and starting a family. Writing that sentence, I suddenly feel incredibly lazy.

Erin and Alex met through mutual friends. Thanks to San Francisco’s ridiculously unreliable bus system, their first date lasted longer than planned. This is the first time that I’ve heard of someone crediting MUNI for their everlasting love, but it warms my heart to know that something good has come out of our crappy public transit organization.

Seven months after they first started dating, Erin and Alex decided to take their relationship to the next level by buying a home together. Friends were surprised by their decision, worried that Erin and Alex were moving too fast. Ignoring all of the naysayers, they pushed forward, getting engaged within the next year. This fast-track thinking makes Erin and Alex sound like Type A, check-the-box type people, but they are far from structured. Both are incredibly laid back- to the point that I want to bottle of some of their chill and sell it. But given how forward-thinking Erin is, she probably has the business plan drawn up already.

After being engaged for a short while, Erin and Alex decided to tie the knot. The wedding took place in Lake Tahoe last September, and was, according to Chris, “one of the best weddings he’s ever attended.”

Not that I would know. I was off at the USC-Ohio State game with my brothers and my parents, debating whether or not I wanted to continue my relationship with Chris. We were going through a rough patch, so attending a wedding wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time. Throughout the game, I received text messages from Chris, who was completely taken by the whole wedding experience. By the time I got home, he was a changed man, ready for commitment and a future together. So, thanks, Erin and Alex. And thank you, USC Trojans, for kicking the tar out of Ohio State- that made the moment even sweeter.

In listening to Erin and Alex talk about their relationship, I was struck by how little regard they have for the tried and true relationship timeline. They bought a house before they got engaged, yet that didn’t stop their love from progressing naturally. So often people fear that the world will punish them for breaking the status quo. Erin and Alex’s success story begs the question… if you’re not hurting anyone by choosing a different path, what’s wrong with creating your own unique destiny?

P.S. Erin and Alex are currently on the baby train, which means that their calendar actually has a week marked with the word “Sexathon.” When I heard this, I almost spit out my wine. No matter what they’re up to, Erin and Alex are always good times, good times.

P.P.S. Alex told us a very dirty joke about beef and broccoli. Because this is a PG joint, I won’t record it here- but I can be bribed- just email me.

So I ever-so-carefully tapped the bumper of the car in front of me, edging into the spot. In the matter of about two seconds, the vehicle shot down the hill, up onto the sidewalk and into a nearby planter. Luckily (or unluckily, perhaps?) there were no tourists on the sidewalk at that moment or they would have been as flat as road maps.

Needless to say, you can understand why I was nervous to take Roxy out for a spin on the streets of San Francisco. After all, just because she was a good highway vehicle for six weeks doesn’t guarantee that she can charge up the hills and take the hairpin corners on some of the busiest streets in California. However, having not driven in a day and a half, I was itching to get back on the road. In a strange way, Roxy has become like the family pet, requiring food, water, and a good spin around the block.

Roxy did not disappoint. I was impressed with how she held her ground on the top of Divisadero Street, which is so steep that you can see all of San Francisco in one glance before diving back down into the City (and sometimes into the car in front of you). She also earned my respect by being uncannily good at finding the perfect parking spaces. She slid into spots right in front of the gym, the grocery store, and the post office.

In short, Roxy completely failed me. Why? Because I still want to keep her. I was hoping that after taking her on a tour of the City, she’d cough, sputter, and begrudgingly chug her way around. But no. She fits in with all of the BMWs, Audis, and Priuses like she belongs here.

Maybe she does?

Dear god. That may have been the cheesiest sentence ever written.

But not the cheesiest sentence ever said, which I’ll have to credit to Jillian of The Bachelorette. As I was typing, she uttered the following puke worthy sentence:

“Every woman dreams of the day when she’s in the kitchen, worried about cooking the perfect meal, and a man walks up behind her and gives her a kiss.”

Jillian, honey, this is not 1959. It’s 2009, and all I dream of is Chris in the kitchen, cooking the perfect meal as I read yet another trashy ChickLit novel while simulataneously eating a handful of carb-free fudge. (hey, this is my fantasy- it could exist.)