(NOTE: I’m an urban planner, and yes I can make decent maps, but there’s a limit to what I can do with Microsoft Paint, which is the most advanced graphics program on my personal laptop.)

I then color-coded the stops by asking the question - at the ceremony, would these people sit on Jaime’s side or my side? That is, do we know them originally through Chris (blue dots), or Jaime (pink - the girly color).

We seem to have some regional trends. Jaime dominates the South, Great Plains, and Mountain states, while my people are mostly in the Midwest and Northeast, and we split the Pacific Northwest. This suggests two things:

1. Jaime may be a red-stater, and I may be a blue-stater (as suggested in the great Flat Tax Debate), and
2. If this was a presidential race, it would be a close election. I need some friends in Virginia so I can pick up its crucial 13 electoral votes.

Of course this is all moot. By the end of the Wedding Road Trip, everyone will be our family and friends, with no pre-nupital to decide who belongs to whom. Although Jaime may decline the option of associating with some of my old college friends.

However, a surprisingly frequent response is “that sounds so relaxing” or “what a great vacation!” I hate to break it to everyone, but…  this is not going to be a pleasure cruise.

• We’ll be covering 11,000 miles in 42 days, visiting around 38 cities and 200 people. That’s a lot of sensory input.
• Mapquest estimates some of our drives as 14+ hours. I get antsy after 3 hours in a car.
• As a personal dare, we are driving without a CD player or iPod, and just relying on AM radio. (Ok, I’m kidding.)
• iTunes claims I have almost 5 days of music on my laptop. That should cover us for the first quarter of the trip. By the time we reach Philly, we’ll be pretty tired of every song we own and very sick of NPR.
• We won’t be spending more than three nights in any one place, and will be guests of friends and family almost every night.
• We may not like some places. For example, I’m a little edgy about Texas, since I imagine that anyone who’s ever voted to the left of Barry Goldwater is viewed suspiciously outside of Austin. On the other hand, I love BBQ, so Texas is worth the visit for the food alone.
• I still have no idea how we’ll do laundry.

Now don’t me wrong, I am so looking forward to this trip - to see friends and new places, learn different ways of life, and get a break from the ordinary. But there is very little relaxation planned. Every place we are visiting is with the intention of visiting people. We considered side trips to the Outer Banks and Montreal…but we would have had to cut out visits to some friends and that’s not the point of the trip.

Before you feel bad for us, though, Jaime and I already know that we are not fans of relaxing vacations. Last year we went to Mexico for a week and tried relaxing on the beach, just clearing our minds and decompressing. But within a few hours, we were talking with people, playing volleyball or bingo, and planning excursions. We just like being on the go.

And any day you drive from Santa Fe to Dallas for 10 hours, but get to see Oklahoma City for the first time, eat some great BBQ, and visit old friends - well, that’s a good day.

Josh… and others with this same question… come gather around the virtual campfire. Mama Jaime has a little story for you…

Once upon a time… ok, three years ago… I was fortunate enough to walk across the United States with twelve other people as part of Steps Across America, which  you can still Google stalk, thanks to the Web Archive. This makes me incredibly happy, as I love that people can still find really bad mugshot-like pictures of me on the Internet forever. And ever. And EVER.

During the trip, we saw things like this:

And this…

Now, if Wedding Road Trip was all about seeing our country majesty, sweet land of liberty, we’d be KOA’ing it up from West to East and North to South. Okay, that’s a lie. I do not KOA.  I Holiday! But still… we’d be taking more time to smell the citrus and be spending less time figuring out the fastest route from Grand Rapids, Michigan to Wausau, Wisconsin.

Nope, our voyage is about seeing the people. And seeing the people means spending a lot of time seeing this:

And this:

Turns out, it burns a lot of daylight trying to hit more than 35 cities in a short period of time. Which means that we might have to give up some pretty pictures in favor of some time-saving interstates.

But Josh, I promise that we’ll check out the Maroon Bells when we’re in Aspen.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

Chris: Hey Road Trip Friend, we’re coming to Springfield on (insert date here) to visit you!

Road Trip Friend: Great!

Chris: So, are you free that day? It’s a Friday.

Road Trip Friend: That’s three months away! I don’t even know what I’m doing next weekend. I don’t think I’m doing anything that day. Remind me as the date gets closer and we’ll make plans.

Chris: Um… OR… we could cut right to the chase and make plans right now?

Road Trip Friend: Hmm… I guess you’re right! Why didn’t I think of that?

I have a sneaking suspicion that getting people to commit to our road trip schedule is going to be a bit like herding cats. Feral cats.

(Sorry. I got distracted for a second by a commercial for the iPhone. Damn. I want an iPhone. Love can’t buy me an iPhone. Grr….)

So, yesterday afternoon Chris and I celebrated “Free Friday” by taking another pass at our road trip route. We’re getting very, very close to nailing the whole route down, if it weren’t for that pesky little state in the middle of the country known as Missouri.

Chris: I know you really, really want to go to Branson, Jaime, but maybe we should just go to Kansas City to see Jake and Annie, then to Jefferson City to see your cousins, and St. Louis to see Curtis and Alice.

Jaime: But… BRANSON! You have no idea, Chris. It’s like the Las Vegas of the Midwest.

Chris: Isn’t it alcohol-free?

Jaime: Well, parts are. But really… the lights… the action… for god’s sake, Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede!!! I think we also should consider a side trip to Dollywood… now that I think about it… and maybe-

Chris: Focus, Jaime, focus. Do any of your friends or relatives live in Branson?

Jaime: No, but-

Chris: And what is the purpose of this trip?

Jaime: To see friends and relatives and have them be a part of our wedding without spending tons of cash but-

Chris: And is Dolly Parton marrying us?

Jaime: No, Todd is. But come to think of it Dolly would be-

Chris: No! I draw the line at Dolly Parton marrying us so you can have a reason to go to Branson.

Score: Chris: 1, Jaime 0

Jaime (focused): So, if we go to Orlando, we can cut across through Tampa. I know someone in Tampa that we could visit. Then we’ll go on to Fort Myers- maybe-

Chris (annoyed): Wait. I’d rather go to Miami then see some random person in Tampa.

Jaime (defensive): She’s not a random person. We spent four months walking across the country together. She’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. She’s traveled all over the world.

Chris (going in for the kill): Is her number in your cell?

Jaime (stuttering): No. But I just got this backup phone a month ago. She’s in my other “real” phone.

Chris (gloating): When was the last time you talked to her?

Jaime (exasperated): Dude, she’s ALL OVER my Facebook page.

Chris (adopts his best sage expression): She sounds cool. I’m just saying… I don’t want you to end up hurt. These friendships you have might be more important to you- they might just be a blip on someone’s radar.

So, ladies and gents… the gauntlet has been thrown. I believe Chris is entirely wrong. I think the friendships we create in life are like an infinite tapestry, beginning and ending, ebbing and flowing. Whether I knew you best in high school or know you better now, we have history. You have knowledge about love, marriage and life that you want to share. We’re coming to see you- not because we have to, not because you’re the only person we know in town- but because we want to.

And it’s going be a blast.