My parents still live in the house I grew up in, and given real estate prices in Michigan, that trend is unlikely to change. Luckily, that means it’s easy to remember their address and home phone number. (Note to people under 40: Yes, my parents have a land line! Isn’t that novel?) We’re seeing M&D at the wedding, but swung by GR for a brief respite from the road – in other words, a full refrigerator, laundry access, and Dad grilling steaks. Plus, my Mom, who may be the most thoughtful person on earth, always sets out little helpful gifts, like maps and snacks.
We attempted to interview my parents, but that’s harder to do with your own parents than you think. First, while you may be interested in how couples keep the romance alive in their relationship, there are some things I just don’t need to know. Second, my parents seem like sweet, innocent Midwesterners, but they are actually very crafty. When we asked them questions, they responded with long stories and jokes, but managed to avoid providing actual answers.
However, in a previous encounter last fall, we did ask them what advice they would give us based on their own life experiences. Their wisdom was:
- Don’t worry so much about little things.
- Don’t over-extend yourselves financially, e.g., don’t go buy a big house that you can’t afford. Since my parents have lived in the same house for 35 years, they actually followed their own advice.
I’ll add one last piece of advice that they did not share – if you get a family pet, you can never anticipate how long of a commitment it might be. Twenty-one years ago my dad came home from work to find out that we had acquired a stray kitten. They just had to put Snowflake to sleep a few months ago and I miss her, but she changed all our lives for the better.
I owe my cousin Daniel an apology. Back when he was in high school and I was in the sixth grade, my grandmother took us both to Clovis Lakes, the local water park. For the entire day, I reported to Daniel and gave him the phone numbers of girls who he thought was cute. By the end of the day, he had about twenty numbers. This sounds like a great story except…
All the numbers were fake. Every last one of them.
Sure, the girls thought Daniel was cute. They even told me to tell him that. But when it came to giving out their phone numbers, they weren’t going to go the extra mile. Desperate to impress my super cool cousin, I went the distance for them.
And so there it is, Daniel. The secret that’s been haunting me for years. I hope you forgive me… and please don’t tell your sister that I read all of her diaries while she was out on a date.
Daniel has since grown up to become a doctor and has no problems asking women for numbers. This confidence is probably what snagged him Kiva, his girlfriend of two years. Kiva is also a doctor, something that brings out a competitive streak in both of them from time to time. Word has it that their dinner table discussions often center on radiology, a study neither of them ever seems to find tiring.
Over breakfast, Daniel and Kiva shared the secret to their success- working long hours. Given that they only see each other for a few hours of week, they treasure that time together and don’t sweat the small stuff. Okay, I made up the fact that they tout long hours as their secret sauce, but it completely makes sense. After all, who has time for mindless drama when you can be saving people’s lives?
Daniel also shared an insight that he had several years ago about people in general. After dealing with a particularly difficult situation with an important person in his life, he realized that the problem was actually his own. By accepting that “people are people” and that he wouldn’t be able to change the person in question, he was able to let go of the angst that he felt. I found this to be particularly helpful advice, as Chris and I have recently been dealing with accepting the reality that we both suck… a little bit.
Kavi commented that she has never spent so much time talking about relationships in one sitting. This made me laugh, as that’s pretty much been our lives for the past month. That brought up another point, however. If we spend so much time dissecting our relationships, when do we have time to live them?
Spending time with Daniel and Kavi reminded me of how relationships and life are cyclical. Family members especially, play important roles that ebb and flow over the years. While I haven’t had a deep conversation with Daniel in several years, after this meeting, I am sure that Chris and I will find a path to Massachussetts to connect once again in the very near future. There’s something beautiful about finding your way back to a relationship that was once very important to you. And Daniel, I promise not to give you any more fake numbers… not that you need them.
Day 3, Act 2 was dinner at Vento Trattoria with my friends from the University of Michigan. My freshman year I was assigned to Mary Markley dorm, which for some reason was largely populated by New Yorkers. They were loud and obnoxious and had funny accents. I liked them immediately. [Random side note: Why would you ever want a dorm named after you? Think about all the NC-17 activities that happen there – would you want your classy name associated with a one-night stand? One that didn’t involve you?]
Todd (from Staten Island, yo) was my next door neighbor that freshman year and his wife Miki (Jersey, baby!) joined the team later. It didn’t start off so blissfully. They met because I brought Miki over to Todd’s house once to watch a Michigan basketball game, and when she veered off-topic to Russian literature instead of the Wolverines, Todd asked her to shut up. Mean Todd—actually one of the nicest people I’ve ever met—and Miki met up again a few more times, actually got time alone to talk and get to know each other one evening, and have been together ever since. They’ve been married seven years and have a dog named Brady, who I’m happy to report they have not taught how to bark Hail to the Victors.
Mike (Queens in the house) was in the same dorm as us. He used to be a curmudgeon who most identified with Moe the Bartender from The Simpsons, but we all knew he was a good guy despite his love of the Yankees. His wife Marisa provides the perfect mix of sweet and goofy along with a free spirit, and has taken some of away Mike’s edge and made him more of a freewheeling guy. She even got Mike to go to four Phish shows in four days. I’m pretty sure he’ll soon quit his marketing job and start selling sandwiches in arena parking lots to support his new jam band habit.
It was fun to see how Mike has embraced Marisa’s approach to life, while she has adopted some of Mike’s pragmatic, hard working attitude. While it’s good to be yourself, maybe a new version of you is possible, one that’s an enhancement without losing any of the original charm. Anyway, that’s what I’m hoping as Jaime and I work on improving one another over the course of 45 days.
On Day two in New York, we spent an evening with our hosts, Bea and Jed. Bea was one of my best friends at grad school. Now she and her husband Jed live in Greenpoint, Brooklyn in a classic NYC setup: a Puerto Rican and a Jew living in a Polish neighborhood. Their son Sebastian will probably become a Rastafarian.
This was also the interview where Jaime met her match. Jed and Jaime debated the appropriateness of one question for seemingly hours, which allowed Bea and I time to catch up and make fun of them both. Still, it seems that Jaime missed her calling as a lawyer, since she battled Jed to a draw.
One of the major challenges that Bea and Jed face in their marriage is how to juggle raising a one-year old while maintaining intense careers – an issue in which we have a great deal of interest. One part of their solution is a nanny, which takes up a chunk of income but who provides childcare, bilingual instruction, cleaning, and cooking. The last may be the best part, since when you get home from work at 9 PM (typical in New York) it is a godsend to have dinner waiting. (I guess if we were really good guests, we would have made dinner for them, but hey it’s our wedding.) The other solution is that one of them goes to work a little late each morning, getting a chance for some one-on-one time with Sebastian.
Beyond that, they showed us the strength that friendship can play in a relationship. They’ve known each other for over 15 years, and that allows them to operate in total comfort with one another. So maybe by the year 2022, Jaime and I will have a totally comfortable, drama-free marriage and can start thinking about having kids. 
We were supposed to see Alina on Friday night for appetizers and drinks at Alma de Cuba. Too bad we were too busy breaking and entering in New Jersey. Alina was gracious enough to reschedule with us and even went so far as to snag us a table at the best brunch place in Philly.
Alina is one of the kindest, sweetest, truest people I’ve ever had the opportunity to walk across America with. There is no one in the world that doesn’t like Alina. I defy you, I challenge you to find someone. While everyone else on the trip was planning a Steps Across America takeover, Alina was busy making friends and influencing people.
Alina took us to Sabrina’s Cafe, which had the audacity to put Oreo pancakes with blueberry compote on the menu. Clearly they weren’t given the memo that I want to lose ten pounds, not gain them. Mustering up all of the strength that I could possibly find, I dodged the pancakes and decided to find my stimulation in our conversation.
Alina is currently finishing her third year as a med student at Drexel University. This means that she’s got one year of school left and six thousand more in residency. While she’s not seriously dating anyone, she did let it slip that a certain young man brought her homemade cupcakes the other day. During her undergrad years, Alina had a very serious relationship with a wonderful guy who is currently serving in the Marines. Faced with the constraints of long distance, they decided to part ways as friends.
While Alina has never been married, she definitely knows what traits she wants in the future Mr. Tan. Friendship, communication, and fun are all characteristics of the man who’ll win her hand. While she didn’t mention it, I can see loyalty being a trait on that list, as Alina is the type of person who values and treasures the people in her life in a very authentic way.
Before we left Philly, we got the opportunity to see the inside of a third year med school student’s apartment. And while I won’t reveal the contents of Alina’s secret lair, I will say this: it’s nice to know that the future doctors of America still read Allure and know the gossip about Jon and Kate Plus 8.
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