To prepare, I’ve devised a list of rules for couples that are nearing the one-year anniversary mark. Note: I fully sanction you to disregard these rules until your first anniversary has passed.

After your first anniversary, thou shalt not:

• … use a wedding photo as your profile picture on Facebook. Yes, you look beautiful in your wedding pictures. But I’m guessing you also looked beautiful at least once over the past year.
• …still be writing your thank you notes. Granted, someone may have just given you a wedding gift, which means that you should respond accordingly. But if you’re still writing notes to your nearest and dearest for gifts received more than ten months ago, you’d better have a good excuse. Note: Jail is not a good excuse. Everyone knows that inmates have plenty of time to write letters.
  
• … still be angry with your bridesmaids or groomsmen for something they did/didn’t/could’ve/should’ve done during your wedding. They’ve already forgotten about your wedding and have moved on to something more important… the present day. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time in the future to screw up their special days too.
• … count the length of your marriage in months. There are few things more annoying than someone who says, “Our child is thirty-two and a half months.” No one should have to whip out a calculator to figure out how old your child is. Similarly, a marriage is counted in years, sometimes half years, after the first one is complete. Acceptable phraseology includes, “just over a year,” “a year this past August, ” and “a year and a half in December.”
• … be an active member of The Knot community forums. At least move on to The Nest. It’s all about progression, baby.

And the most important former newlywed commandment is…

Thou shalt not get pregnant because you feel pressured, are bored, or want to be the center of attention. I’m all for populating the Earth, but relax! Enjoy another day, month, or (gasp!) even year of marriage before you jump back into the fire.

Carolyn is the reason for the season, namely, why half of Wedding Road Trip is traipsing through the land of ten thousand lakes: Minnesota. Last night we wined and dined at Northcoast, with Carolyn’s mother and her sister Margaret, who got married this past May in Carmel.

Words that don’t describe Margaret: quiet, reserved, boring, and expressionless.

Words that might describe Margaret: off-the-wall, animated, and endlessly entertaining.

When dealing with the whole name change thing, Margaret got creative and added her middle name (Mary) to her first name. She then moved her super-cool surname to the middle slot and took her husband’s name to finish the whole thing off. I really respect her attachment to all four names and the logical way she put it all together. When Carolyn and Margaret have kids, they are planning on using their maiden name as their sons’ first names. While our friend Colleen thinks this might confuse some people, I think it’s kinda cool for these future cousins to share something so important to both Carolyn and Margaret.

Totally not related, but worth noting: Northcoast offers blankets to guests, which they can use throughout the duration of their dining experience. If only a certain foggy city (cough, cough San Francisco) would do the same, dining in the great outdoors might be possible during the summer months.

I’ve seen Erin approximately four times over the past two years.

It’s not that I don’t want to see Erin… it’s just that life got in the way. It seemed that she was always busy buying a house, getting engaged, buying a car, starting a new job, acquiring another house, and starting a family. Writing that sentence, I suddenly feel incredibly lazy.

Erin and Alex met through mutual friends. Thanks to San Francisco’s ridiculously unreliable bus system, their first date lasted longer than planned. This is the first time that I’ve heard of someone crediting MUNI for their everlasting love, but it warms my heart to know that something good has come out of our crappy public transit organization.

Seven months after they first started dating, Erin and Alex decided to take their relationship to the next level by buying a home together. Friends were surprised by their decision, worried that Erin and Alex were moving too fast. Ignoring all of the naysayers, they pushed forward, getting engaged within the next year. This fast-track thinking makes Erin and Alex sound like Type A, check-the-box type people, but they are far from structured. Both are incredibly laid back- to the point that I want to bottle of some of their chill and sell it. But given how forward-thinking Erin is, she probably has the business plan drawn up already.

After being engaged for a short while, Erin and Alex decided to tie the knot. The wedding took place in Lake Tahoe last September, and was, according to Chris, “one of the best weddings he’s ever attended.”

Not that I would know. I was off at the USC-Ohio State game with my brothers and my parents, debating whether or not I wanted to continue my relationship with Chris. We were going through a rough patch, so attending a wedding wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time. Throughout the game, I received text messages from Chris, who was completely taken by the whole wedding experience. By the time I got home, he was a changed man, ready for commitment and a future together. So, thanks, Erin and Alex. And thank you, USC Trojans, for kicking the tar out of Ohio State- that made the moment even sweeter.

In listening to Erin and Alex talk about their relationship, I was struck by how little regard they have for the tried and true relationship timeline. They bought a house before they got engaged, yet that didn’t stop their love from progressing naturally. So often people fear that the world will punish them for breaking the status quo. Erin and Alex’s success story begs the question… if you’re not hurting anyone by choosing a different path, what’s wrong with creating your own unique destiny?

P.S. Erin and Alex are currently on the baby train, which means that their calendar actually has a week marked with the word “Sexathon.” When I heard this, I almost spit out my wine. No matter what they’re up to, Erin and Alex are always good times, good times.

P.P.S. Alex told us a very dirty joke about beef and broccoli. Because this is a PG joint, I won’t record it here- but I can be bribed- just email me.

Obviously I jest, but we did have a few moments of terror on the way into town, thanks to Independence Pass. For anyone scared of roller coasters, heights, or death, I recommend skipping this route and taking the long way. I was driving, so Jaime cringed as I gingerly steered Roxy around hairpin turns and bottomless chasms, culminating in a 12,000 foot crossing of the Continental Divide. The road isn’t so much a pass as a route up and over a mountain.

We arrived in Aspen as Chris and Krystal were finishing their work days. They promptly took us and a sixer of Blue Moon out to the Maroon Bells, where we traipsed mountain meadows while their dog Rosie ran around at approximately 200 MPH. This was followed by dinner at the Woody Creek Tavern, an old Hunter S. Thompson hangout, and conversation back at their beautiful townhouse in Basalt. Yes, we liked Aspen.

One piece of marital advice from Krystal & Chris is that if all else fails, get a dog. I’m paraphrasing, but the basic gist is that a dog can provide activity, conversation, and all types of mutual experience bonding that you will not get from TV, jogging, or a hamster. The background is that on a drunken whim several years ago, Krystal adopted a stray which has become The World’s Most Awesome Dog, aka Rosie. I first met Rosie two and a half years ago and immediately threatened to dognap her, and still intend to. Inside, she sits quietly on her bed or on my feet, and is so well behaved they can take her to work where she dozes all day. Outside, Rosie takes off at cheetah-like speeds, chasing things like snowmobiles.

So, a dog can spark your relationship in interesting ways, especially if you live near the Great Outdoors and get a dog larger than a purse but smaller than a pickup truck. Sadly, Jaime and I passed on an opportunity to get a golden retriever puppy in Chicago (bad timing), but if we get tired of each other, we’ll swing by Aspen when Chris and Krystal aren’t home and pick up the solution.

And then it hit me: I’m Kate Gosselin. Well, Kate Gosselin without the TV cameras, the butch haircut and the eight kids. I put down my fiancé’s constant need for affection in public and then privately hug and kiss him as needed. I brag about how independent I am while simultaneously selling him out for being overly emotional.

I. AM. THAT. WOMAN.

Damn it.

Now I have to do something about it- I can’t claim ignorance anymore. I’m going to have to be sweet and nice or my future husband is going to have an affair with some twenty-three-year-old that he meets at a local bar. Then they’re going to go skiing in Aspen while I celebrate my 34th birthday alone.

I’d write more, but I’m going to go kiss Chris’s ass now before things get out of control.

P.S. Chris: I don’t think you’re anything like frumpy, grumpy John. I swear. And no. I don’t want eight children.

We attempted to interview my parents, but that’s harder to do with your own parents than you think. First, while you may be interested in how couples keep the romance alive in their relationship, there are some things I just don’t need to know. Second, my parents seem like sweet, innocent Midwesterners, but they are actually very crafty. When we asked them questions, they responded with long stories and jokes, but managed to avoid providing actual answers.

However, in a previous encounter last fall, we did ask them what advice they would give us based on their own life experiences. Their wisdom was:

• Don’t worry so much about little things.
• Don’t over-extend yourselves financially, e.g., don’t go buy a big house that you can’t afford. Since my parents have lived in the same house for 35 years, they actually followed their own advice.

I’ll add one last piece of advice that they did not share – if you get a family pet, you can never anticipate how long of a commitment it might be. Twenty-one years ago my dad came home from work to find out that we had acquired a stray kitten. They just had to put Snowflake to sleep a few months ago and I miss her, but she changed all our lives for the better.

All the numbers were fake. Every last one of them.

Sure, the girls thought Daniel was cute. They even told me to tell him that. But when it came to giving out their phone numbers, they weren’t going to go the extra mile. Desperate to impress my super cool cousin, I went the distance for them.

And so there it is, Daniel. The secret that’s been haunting me for years. I hope you forgive me… and please don’t tell your sister that I read all of her diaries while she was out on a date.

Daniel has since grown up to become a doctor and has no problems asking women for numbers. This confidence is probably what snagged him Kiva, his girlfriend of two years. Kiva is also a doctor, something that brings out a competitive streak in both of them from time to time. Word has it that their dinner table discussions often center on radiology, a study neither of them ever seems to find tiring.

Over breakfast, Daniel and Kiva shared the secret to their success- working long hours. Given that they only see each other for a few hours of week, they treasure that time together and don’t sweat the small stuff. Okay, I made up the fact that they tout long hours as their secret sauce, but it completely makes sense. After all, who has time for mindless drama when you can be saving people’s lives?

Daniel also shared an insight that he had several years ago about people in general. After dealing with a particularly difficult situation with an important person in his life, he realized that the problem was actually his own. By accepting that “people are people” and that he wouldn’t be able to change the person in question, he was able to let go of the angst that he felt. I found this to be particularly helpful advice, as Chris and I have recently been dealing with accepting the reality that we both suck… a little bit.

Kavi commented that she has never spent so much time talking about relationships in one sitting. This made me laugh, as that’s pretty much been our lives for the past month. That brought up another point, however. If we spend so much time dissecting our relationships, when do we have time to live them?

Spending time with Daniel and Kavi reminded me of how relationships and life are cyclical. Family members especially, play important roles that ebb and flow over the years. While I haven’t had a deep conversation with Daniel in several years, after this meeting, I am sure that Chris and I will find a path to Massachussetts to connect once again in the very near future. There’s something beautiful about finding your way back to a relationship that was once very important to you. And Daniel, I promise not to give you any more fake numbers… not that you need them.

Todd (from Staten Island, yo) was my next door neighbor that freshman year and his wife Miki (Jersey, baby!) joined the team later. It didn’t start off so blissfully. They met because I brought Miki over to Todd’s house once to watch a Michigan basketball game, and when she veered off-topic to Russian literature instead of the Wolverines, Todd asked her to shut up. Mean Todd—actually one of the nicest people I’ve ever met—and Miki met up again a few more times, actually got time alone to talk and get to know each other one evening, and have been together ever since. They’ve been married seven years and have a dog named Brady, who I’m happy to report they have not taught how to bark Hail to the Victors.

Mike (Queens in the house) was in the same dorm as us. He used to be a curmudgeon who most identified with Moe the Bartender from The Simpsons, but we all knew he was a good guy despite his love of the Yankees. His wife Marisa provides the perfect mix of sweet and goofy along with a free spirit, and has taken some of away Mike’s edge and made him more of a freewheeling guy. She even got Mike to go to four Phish shows in four days. I’m pretty sure he’ll soon quit his marketing job and start selling sandwiches in arena parking lots to support his new jam band habit.

It was fun to see how Mike has embraced Marisa’s approach to life, while she has adopted some of Mike’s pragmatic, hard working attitude. While it’s good to be yourself, maybe a new version of you is possible, one that’s an enhancement without losing any of the original charm. Anyway, that’s what I’m hoping as Jaime and I work on improving one another over the course of 45 days.

This was also the interview where Jaime met her match. Jed and Jaime debated the appropriateness of one question for seemingly hours, which allowed Bea and I time to catch up and make fun of them both. Still, it seems that Jaime missed her calling as a lawyer, since she battled Jed to a draw.

One of the major challenges that Bea and Jed face in their marriage is how to juggle raising a one-year old while maintaining intense careers – an issue in which we have a great deal of interest. One part of their solution is a nanny, which takes up a chunk of income but who provides childcare, bilingual instruction, cleaning, and cooking. The last may be the best part, since when you get home from work at 9 PM (typical in New York) it is a godsend to have dinner waiting. (I guess if we were really good guests, we would have made dinner for them, but hey it’s our wedding.) The other solution is that one of them goes to work a little late each morning, getting a chance for some one-on-one time with Sebastian.

Beyond that, they showed us the strength that friendship can play in a relationship. They’ve known each other for over 15 years, and that allows them to operate in total comfort with one another. So maybe by the year 2022, Jaime and I will have a totally comfortable, drama-free marriage and can start thinking about having kids.

Alina is one of the kindest, sweetest, truest people I’ve ever had the opportunity to walk across America with. There is no one in the world that doesn’t like Alina. I defy you, I challenge you to find someone. While everyone else on the trip was planning a Steps Across America takeover, Alina was busy making friends and influencing people.

Alina took us to Sabrina’s Cafe, which had the audacity to put Oreo pancakes with blueberry compote on the menu. Clearly they weren’t given the memo that I want to lose ten pounds, not gain them. Mustering up all of the strength that I could possibly find, I dodged the pancakes and decided to find my stimulation in our conversation.

Alina is currently finishing her third year as a med student at Drexel University. This means that she’s got one year of school left and six thousand more in residency. While she’s not seriously dating anyone, she did let it slip that a certain young man brought her homemade cupcakes the other day. During her undergrad years, Alina had a very serious relationship with a wonderful guy who is currently serving in the Marines. Faced with the constraints of long distance, they decided to part ways as friends.

While Alina has never been married, she definitely knows what traits she wants in the future Mr. Tan. Friendship, communication, and fun are all characteristics of the man who’ll win her hand. While she didn’t mention it, I can see loyalty being a trait on that list, as Alina is the type of person who values and treasures the people in her life in a very authentic way.

Before we left Philly, we got the opportunity to see the inside of a third year med school student’s apartment. And while I won’t reveal the contents of Alina’s secret lair, I will say this: it’s nice to know that the future doctors of America still read Allure and know the gossip about Jon and Kate Plus 8.