wedding road trip

14,000 miles, 200 friends, two lives, one big decision

You Are Who You Raise

wedding road trip in lincoln massI’m going to sound like I’m repeating myself, but once again we went to visit my cousins. (In case you’re wondering, I have seven cousins on my mom’s side of the family, so that’s why they keep cropping up on the Wedding Road Trip.) This one (we’ll call him Josh) lives outside of Boston with his wife Kris, son Alexander, and son-arriving-one-week-before-our-wedding.

Josh is the oldest of the cousins and tends to be ahead of the rest of us with marriage, grad school, and children. I even sort of followed him career-wise (he’s a landscape architect, and I’m an urban planner). I’m happy to travel in his wake, since he’s got a solid relationship with Kris and an amazing child in Alexander.

Josh and Kris shared a lot of sound relationship advice with us, but for the purposes of this blog, let’s talk about raising children. We’ve seen a lot of different arrangements of childraising on this journey, and have no definitive judgments on right or wrong – we’re still learning. But we must say that Alexander seems like an exceptional outcome. He is three years old and the first thing he does when he walks in the house is put away his shoes. I am 34 and still have not learned how to do this. He also built a fort out of paper towel rolls, and then promptly put them all away. According to Josh, Alexander came up with the idea himself and brought all of the recyclable paper towels up from the basement without assistance. We couldn’t figure out exactly how Josh and Kris made this happen, but it might be because they treat him respectfully, sort of like a fellow adult (no, he’s not allowed to drink beer or watch HBO).

Sigh. It would be great to get some of that mojo bottled.

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Secrets of Jersey

wedding road trip new jerseyAfter dinner in downtown Montclair, we returned to James and Wendy’s place for the interrogation. I mean, interview. They met in a coffee shop in a Detroit suburb, got married eight months later, and have been together for a good six years plus. The lesson? Sometimes you need to just go for something and make it work.

They had a few other insights on love and happiness. In a marriage, learn to accept one another’s differences. Wendy accepts that James sometimes likes to wander around with no specific direction, while James is okay with the fact that Wendy includes shopping as one of her hobbies. Along that front, James works some serious Wall Street hours (think, past midnight times seven days a week), which could lead Wendy to wonder whether he’s really in the office, or if he’s actually at the Off Track Betting parlor. But Wendy doesn’t see the value in questioning whether James is downgrading the bond ratings of companies or betting on Seabiscuit – she can either trust him or not.

On finances, they’ve taken turns being the breadwinner, first Wendy when James was in grad school and now James, though Wendy does work a full-time job. (Note: Wendy mentioned that she may need to put in some overtime to cover than Chanel purse she’s been craving.)

The final thing I learned is not related to marriage. In Grand Theft Auto, when you crash a car too much and it starts to smoke, get out right away as it’s about to blow up. Hopefully that information won’t be relevant on our Wedding Road Trip with Roxy.

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