wedding road trip

Dalliance in Dallas

Prologue: I’m so sorry about the title of this post but I couldn’t resist.

After a week in the Pacific Northwest and Mountains, we headed to Texas for a few days. I’d been somewhat dreading Texas due to its flat terrain, conservative politics, and large supply of Cowboys fans. However, my concerns were quickly diluted after driving across flat but beautiful West Texas and discovering Texas hospitality.

Our initial hijinks at Tanya and Bill’s house are detailed here… so I’m picking up the story after the champagne-drinking and miniature-golf-playing. Tanya and Bill decided to slum it up by throwing on the ol’ tuxedo and cocktail dress, and taking us out to Fearing’s, the restaurant in the Dallas Ritz-Carlton. (Note to other Wedding Road Trip guests: this kind of treatment is not expected, but will be tolerated.)

Over great food and a lot of drinks (and I mean, a lot) Tanya and Bill shared the secrets to their incredible success. Luckily, we tape recorded them, so we can listen to them again while sober. My hazy memory does recall one prominent piece of advice from Bill: Your relationship has three components – friends, lovers, and roommates. Don’t allow problems in one of those areas to influence the others.

For example, many fights will be about roommate issues (why didn’t you feed the cat? / why did you feed the cat so much? / when did you decide we could get a cat?). However, those disputes should not damage your friendship or love.

Beyond that, Tanya and Bill have also supported each other in pursuing adventures. Bill spent time in Bosnia to aid the peace accord negotiations and Tanya left home for three months to walk across America. In both instances, the other spouse took care of the kids and kept the house running, no questions asked. That’s the kind of teamwork that the Cowboys – or Bill’s preference, the Steelers – would be proud of.

Mini Golf and Veuve

In the Mahoney household, things happen fast. From the second they opened the door to the moment we left, life was happening at a breakneck speed. Kids laughing, dogs barking, parents shouting. I haven’t seen Tanya in three years, but from the moment I first saw her again, I felt at home.

Within fifteen minutes of arriving at Tanya and Bill’s house in Irving, Texas:

• Bill popped open a bottle of Vueve Clicquot, subsequently cementing his place on my list of Top Ten Spouses for-evah.

• Tanya’s dog Dutch humped me on the leg and from behind approximately 422 times.

• Tanya handed me a copy of Dallas magazine to “use as blog fodder.” I am currently employing my secret sources to investigate whether she’s been hired by the Chamber of Commerce to convince Chris and me to move to the Lone Star state. After being plied with champagne and my own personal doggie “friend”, I have my suspicions.

Within thirty minutes of arriving at Tanya and Bill’s house, we were playing miniature golf across the street, drinks in hand. Even though I was once a member of the prestigious PMGA, I managed to show how well I can slide into last place after just one drink. Bill, on the other hand, mastered the course like he lived across the street from it. Which, coincidentally, he does.

Can we just pause for a moment and say… SERIOUSLY? I mean… SERIOUSLY? How many people have a MINIATURE GOLF COURSE basically in their yard? To add insult to injury, the house two doors down from them, a 4,000 square foot, gorgeous home complete with pool was selling for $500,000, which is basically the cost of a studio in San Francisco. Tanya was quick to point out that the house for sale right next door, a smaller version of the house on the corner, is going for three and change, which is approximately what you’d pay to own a cardboard box in the Bay Area. Grr…

Little did I know what was in store for us at dinner…