Ah, yes… the age-old debate: will your husband or wife cheat on you? If you listen to the media, it is a given that your spouse grab some secret action if one or more of the following things happen:
Your spouse has to work late with an attractive co-worker several times a week.
You gain weight while your spouse just keeps getting hotter.
An ex-partner contacts your spouse and asks to meet up.
Children enter the equation, reducing your sex life to holidays and long weekends.
Your spouse gets drunk and hooks up with your best friend because he or she has been secretly wanting that person for years.
The whole cheating thing is not so far-fetched. After all, a recent story in The Week contended that men and women are not biologically created to be monogamous. According to Truth About Deception, thirty to sixty percent of all married individuals will “engage in infidelity at some point in their marriage.”
So how do you know if your husband or wife has a bit on the side? Get ready for the world’s most obvious answer…
ASK.
That’s right. Have a conversation. Sit down and actually look at one another. As you’re talking, make sure to pull out a copy of US Weekly orStar magazine. Of course, this advice only applies to couples like Bill/Hillary Clinton and Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren. For everyone else, Truth About Deception offers other signs:
Your spouse suddenly needs more space. (Note: this does not mean that when your wife asks for her own home office, she’s really looking for a new spot to bang the postman.)
Your spouse seems bored with you, family, work, or home life. (Note: if other people also fall asleep while you are talking, you might be the problem, not infidelity.)
Your spouse doesn’t care about having sex. (Note: Well, at least not with you.)
Your spouse keeps his or her cell phone hidden. (Note: this doesn’t give you the license to start policing his text messages, phone calls, and iPhone app collection.)
Now, before you go all Nancy Drew and start looking for evidence that might not even exist, ask yourself if you really and truly believe there’s spousal shadiness going on. You may just be feeling insecure about yourself and passing that discomfort on to your better half. Remember the famous words of the doctor of love himself, Ice Cube, “check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
It’s been a few months since the Wedding Road Trip finished, and now that I’m recovering from the trauma, I can share some favorite experiences from the trip.
For the overly serious of you (and yes, I know who you are), I jest. The trip rocked and I loved almost everything. So when I tell you about my favorite food, it’s not because I didn’t have forty other homemade meals that were delicious. Everyone was a fantastic “guest” and treated us really well. Even those with dogs that tried to mount us (true story!). So here are some random favorites…
Best Mix CD
Many had asked about which was the best CD we were given at our Red Devil Lounge Kickoff party, and the winner was Colleen Crouch, who amazed us with a large collection of This American Life, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Savage Love, and mashups.
But we had dozens of other great ones, and Erin Camarena, Christina Kerby, and Matt Caywood all deserve shout-outs.
And so does Evan Hayden for having the balls to start a CD with Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John…which totally rocked.
Prettiest Drive
We live in a very good looking country! I know you grew up with her, and see her a lot, but clear your mind and look at her again. Yup, she’s not just the kid you went to elementary school with – she’s HOT!
Take that, Europe, you cold bitch.
We saw lots of great scenery, some surprising (West Texas, Kentucky, northeastern Oregon) and others expected (Mount Shasta, the St. Petersburg-Clearwater Bridge). My favorite though was the drive from Denver to Santa Fe – first the green eastern slope of the Rockies, with towering mountains in the distance and pancake flat plains below, then through a pass to New Mexico, stark and striking, with its bleak yellow mesas shadowed by the occasional solitary cloud.
Funnest Drive
Since New Mexico appears to have a population of 17 people, it’s light on the highway patrol. Roxy got to visit 110 MPH for a little while…though Jaime hit 112 in Utah. The hairpin turns on Independence Pass above Aspen were also a ball, although Jaime was sure we were going to die. So for high speed entertainment, I recommend driving from Utah into Arizona on I-10 through the video game-inspired Virgin River valley – sheer walls of rock, constant turns, and steep downward grade.
Funniest Drive
The Tampa to Ft. Lauderdale drive, featuring the stunning St. Petersburg-Clearwater Bridge and the arcade game danger of Alligator Alley – where I honestly expected a two lane road threatened by snapping gators. It’s actually quite dull but the entertainment value for Jaime when I shared my vision made it a lot more fun. And driving through Florida is accompanied by its insane collection of billboards that advertise—in succession—porn, an end to abortions, and vasectomies. These themes may be related.
Best BBQ
Mark’s Feed Store of Louisville does have some good BBQ, but Chad Pilbeam of greater outer Houston left work two hours early to mesquite smoke two whole chickens. And it was outstanding.
Craziest Drivers
Hands down, the people of Cleveland, who were apparently texting constantly or were blowing a 0.8. Genuinely scary driving with people swerving between lanes or slowing down to 40 on the interstate then speeding up to 70.
Best Restaurant (that we went to on our own)
I’m not going to evaluate the places people took us, because there is no way I could pick a favorite. But we had some lunches and dinners on our own, with the far and away standout being Magnolia’s Restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina. Fried chicken, pork shoulder, a crab cake…it was rich, unhealthy, and delicious.
This video made me laugh- I love that they whipped out their mobile phones to update their relationship statuses before hearing the final pronouncement. Of course, this is coming from a girl that updated her Facebook status a minute before walking down the aisle.
In exploring the many issues related to marriage, there is none more prominent than the ongoing state-by-state battle over the legal rights of same-sex partners. Today, the New York State Senate voted down a proposal to legalize same-sex marriage by a vote of 38 to 24. I consider this pretty depressing, given that New York is home to almost three hundred thousand members of the GLB community, the largest gay population in the United States.*
If only more people got the picture like New York State Senate Committee on Civil Service and Pensions Chair Diane Savino, who said most eloquently in the video below, “we in government don’t determine the quality or the validity of peoples’ relationships. If we did, we would not issue three-quarters of the marriage licenses we do.”
After watching this video, I am further convinced that there is something painfully wrong with a system that gives complete strangers the legal right to marry, yet will not afford the same opportunity to deeply committed same-sex couples. Unlike their same-sex counterparts, a straight couple can secure a marriage license in less time than it takes to update their car registration at the DMV. For fewer than one hundred dollars, I could marry my postman this afternoon, were I not already legally bound to Chris (and in some states, I could have them both, woo-hoo!)
To those who oppose gay marriage, I have these questions:
-If marriage is considered that sacred, why make it so easy for any (straight) person over eighteen to obtain?
-If you’re going to deny the rights of a minority, why not question who should be married out of the majority? Why not add a few restrictions, like pre-marital classes and stricter divorce laws?
-Which would bother you more: a same-sex couple together for twenty-five years getting hitched in a quiet church ceremony, or a heterosexual couple tying the knot as they drink out of their 7-Eleven rented slurpee machine? Which do you consider more “sacred”?
It’s possible you’ve been reading Wedding Road Trip because you’re getting ready for your own “perfect” day. Whether it’s your first, or even your second, you might benefit from some hot tips I picked up during ours.
You are not magical on your wedding day. Normal laws of biology and physics still apply to you. For example, if it’s a sunny day in California in August, you will burn without sunscreen. You don’t want to be lobster red and need to wear your sister’s foundation at the after party – not that it happened to me.
A little champagne can soothe the nerves. If you’re the groom, I prescribe a glass right before the ceremony. Please disregard this advice for Mormon nuptials.
People will cry, so carry a tissue. My mom cried, my sister cried, I even teared up (which normally only happens during playoff games).
Eat! You may be nervous and you’ll certainly be distracted, so even if you intend to, you might forget to fuel and bitch out. Luckily our friend Janet took it upon herself to be our designated snackee and plied us with almonds all day long. And drink water, too, or you’ll just find yourself wolfing down Coronas like I did.
Practice your first dance. Trust me on this one. Learn from my mistakes.
At the reception, put the head table in the middle of everyone, not set to the side. Just my perspective, but being in the mix with the rest of the tables made us more accessible but also allowed us to disappear into the crowd. And sometimes it’s nice to not have everyone looking at you.
It is so essential to have a concierge looking out for you at the reception. There is no way to make it to the bar without being rushed by three guests. My cousin Lara made sure to bring us wine – and brought us white so we wouldn’t stain The Wedding Dress.
Wear comfortable shoes. My back still hurts…
Everyone will be nice to you all day long. This sounds obvious, but it wasn’t to us beforehand – we were tired, stressed, and juggling logistics with emotions. A part of me was convinced we’d spend our wedding day fielding complaints and explaining directions and timetables. Instead everyone was SO nice and happy. Our guests were thrilled to be there. The vendors rocked. And people smiled and hugged and partied and did it for real – not to make us happy, but because they were so happy.
And after a six-week Wedding Road Trip and another month of setting up the final ceremony, talking so much in isolation, we saw that we weren’t an island but belonged to this big community that loves us. That, or free food and alcohol can make magic happen.
Ah, yes… the age-old debate: will your husband or wife cheat on you? If you listen to the media, it is a given that your spouse grab some secret action if one or more of the following things happen:
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