wedding road trip

Blanket Apology for Our Wedding

Guest complaints caused the untimely death of this bride.

I thought we wouldn’t have to revisit this subject, but it appears that our entry on Wedding Blowoffs For Every Occasion did not achieve the desired results. So let’s try again, shall we? Feel free to steal this and use it for your own wedding- I promise you’ll need it.

For People Who Grumble About the Location of Your Wedding:

We are sorry that our wedding (isn’t in your backyard|requires you to buy a tank of gas|makes you actually consider leaving the city limits for the first time in ten years.)

For People Who Kvetch About the Hotel You’ve Chosen for Your Wedding:

We are sorry that our wedding hotel (is too big|is too small|is not at a cheap, rat-infested Motel 6 and is instead clean and well-located|is at a cheap rat-infested Motel 6 because you complained too much about the nice hotel being too expensive.)

For People Who Complain About the Timing of Your Wedding:

We are sorry that our wedding (is in the morning|is in the afternoon|is in the evening|is not scheduled between episodes of The Bachelorette and Lost|wasn’t scheduled around your latest pedicure.)

For People Who Whine About Not Being Consulted About Your Wedding:

We are sorry that we (didn’t ask you about the proper placement of Oxford commas in our invitations|didn’t call you every morning to discuss table linen colors|didn’t invite you to spend the honeymoon night with us.)

And in our case…

We are sorry that our wedding (doesn’t involve a color scheme|doesn’t have a bridal party|doesn’t have any flowers|doesn’t have a bouquet toss|doesn’t require that you wear a fancy suit|still gives you plenty of reasons to judge us.)

Tags: people who complain about weddings, wedding advice, wedding anxiety