wedding road trip

Unmarked Packages

Last Friday was my birthday. Chris, in his infinite foresight and greatness, forced me to leave the cave in my home office in favor of a sunny afternoon drive to Tiburon. On the way, I decided to open my birthday mail. At the top of the pile, I found this unmarked package:

I flipped the package over… no return address. The stamps were hand-cancelled, so I couldn’t even tell what city the package had come from. Given my recent receipt of a headless groom picture, this package had me a little… concerned. I shook it, listened for a ticking sound, and then held it up to the light. Nothing. So I did what any smart girl does when she receives something freaky in the mail- I opened it.

And inside:

Three CDs, all marked with the title Sex God. No note, no nothing. I looked over at Chris, who was growing paler by the second.

Chris: Do you think it’s from an ex or something?

Jaime: Na. The title doesn’t make sense for anyone I’ve ever dated. Before you of course.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I mean, if we’d had sex. Which we haven’t and won’t ever. Hi Mom, Hi, Grandma. Hope you’re enjoying the blog!

So I opened the case and slid out Sex God #1. Images of dirty lobster porn rushed through my mind as I pushed the CD into the slot. A pause then…

A marriage CD.

A freaking marriage CD. And not a donkey meets innocent bystander in Tijuana marriage CD. An honest-to-goodness audio tome with advice for Chris and me. Turns out it was from my friend Brian, who has been dying for me to listen to some discs on spirtuality.

And while I’d like to let Brian play the innocent card here… I’m gonna have to call BS if he says the unmarked package was an “accident”.

Tags: Add new tag, audio marriage counseling, unmarked packages in mail