Wedding Blow Offs for Every Occasion
Any of these scenarios sound familiar to you?
- Your mother thought you’d get married in a church, but you’ve decided to have a naked wedding in a yurt at Burning Man. A fight ensues.
- Your sister has always thought she’d be your Maid of Honor. You’re choosing your gay best friend Tom instead. A fight ensues.
- Your father has always dreamed of walking you down the aisle. You’ve decided to parachute straight to the altar. A fight ensues.
Yep… everyone has an opinion about weddings. Especially other people’s weddings. And while it might be tempting to tell your Aunt Lucy what you really think of her suggestion of having a Barack Obama piñata at the reception, I suggest you use these carefully-crafted blow offs instead.
When someone says… “I think you should consider getting married (in Hawaii, Mexico, a church) instead of (the place you actually want to get married).”
Resist the urge to say: “And I think you should consider getting thinner instead of fatter.”
Instead say: “Thanks for your suggestion! We’ll definitely consider that location- isn’t it great that there are so many wonderful places to get married?”
When someone says… “I can’t believe you’re not having (flowers, cake, a Haitian juggler) at your wedding.”
Resist the urge to say: “And I can’t believe you’re still trying to pass off that toupee as real hair.”
Instead say: “I know, it’s disappointing, isn’t it? But hopefully you’ll still be able to enjoy the wedding without (insert useless item here).”
When someone says… “You know you’re not supposed to (wear a tux on the beach, email your wedding invitations, actually think for yourself).”
Resist the urge to say: “You know you’re not supposed to decorate your entire house in Precious Moments figurines, but that’s never stopped you.”
Instead say: “Emily Post would roll over in her grave! (Insert laugh here) I guess we’ll be trendsetters! (insert wink here).”
When someone says… “You can’t (feed people appetizers instead of dinner, not serve alcohol, hold your wedding on a Thursday).”
Resist the urge to say: “No problem! We’ll have it whenever you want. Should I just have the bills sent directly to you or would you prefer to use PayPal?”
Instead say: “Oh well. At least you’ll (save the calories, not have a hangover, still have your weekend free) if you attend!”
Tags: wedding advice, wedding wisdom
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Are you going to have a Road Trip Bridal party?
LOL! Obviously we agree on this area (and luckily have pretty accepting and easy going families), but I am intrigued by the Haitian juggler idea…
My grandma thought we should get married in a church, but neither of us is religious. She didn’t come to the wedding b/c of that.
I’ve found that being diplomatic saves me so many more discussions than being rude- my family thought my wedding was completely the “wrong way” to get married. How is there a wrong way?
“You know you’re not supposed to decorate your entire house in Precious Moments figurines, but that’s never stopped you.” Ha!
Speaking of PayPay, I literally just saw someone’s wedding site yesterday that said, don’t send us a gift if you have consumer debt and would have to put it on a credit card. But otherwise, “You Can Just Send Us Cash Money.” With a PayPal link. Seriously.
All of those scenarios actually happened before my naked gay Burning yurt parachute wedding. And the Haitian juggler was the absolute highlight — you should really consider it. (I still have his card.)