wedding road trip

Top Ten Worst Wedding Cake Toppers

#10  Climbing Mount Groom Wedding Cake Topper

Besides the obvious (your parents and older brother REALLY do not want a foreshadowing of your post-wedding bliss), this cake topper is also a complete lie. What bride can even come close to leaping up on her groom when she’s all battened down with Spanx, garters, and taffeta?

#9 The “My Husband is Ugly But Thank God He’s Rich” Wedding Cake Topper

Sure, the frog is cute. But it’s still a frog. We’ll see if your husband-to-be likes that comparison.

#8  The “Groom Got Suckered Into This Whole Thing” Wedding Cake Topper

I don’t have time to do a study, but if I did, I think it would reveal that four out of five couples who have used this cake topper have ended up divorced.

#7   The Inappropriately Ethnic Wedding Cake Topper

I’m guessing that this cake topper was intended for young Asian couples who have ancestors who wore or still wear this type of clothing. Ten guesses on who actually buys this cake topper. My money’s on a white couple who has decided to have an Asian-themed wedding. When they first see this topper, they deem it “authentic.” These are the same people who consider themselves “cultured” yet still haven’t managed to leave the contiguous United States.

#6   The Precious Moments Wedding Cake Topper

I know I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but… there’s a special place in my personal hell for people who buy the Precious Moments wedding cake topper. While there are so many reasons to hate on this, I’ll just choose one. The kids on this cake topper look like they are approximately three years old. Are they really old enough to consummate their “blessed union”? I don’t think so.

#5   The Completely Irrelevant Wedding Cake Topper

I know what this cake topper is supposed to symbolize… but c’mon. I like to run through the park, but I’m not going to put a plastic sneaker on the top of my wedding cake.

#4   The “You Have to Explain It” Wedding Cake Topper

According to the cake topper website where I found this picture, this is a Nesting Turtle Dove Cake Topper. Here’s the conversation that will ensue, should you choose this as your wedding cake topper:

Guest: Wow! Those sure are two cute birds on your wedding cake topper.
You: Those aren’t just birds. Those are turtle doves.
Guest: You mean like (sings) “two turtle doves”?
You: Yes.
Guest: OMG! I never knew what they meant before!

You will have then this same conversation no less than 200 times during your wedding.

#3   The Custom Figurine Wedding Cake Topper

This reminds me of the scariest wedding favor in the history of the world. Yes, you too can put your face on a wedding cake topper for all to see.

#2   The Custom Figurine Wedding Cake Topper With Inappropriate Ethnic Styling

@#$@#$@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#$@#$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see #7)

#1   The Wedding Road Trip Wedding Cake Topper

I mean, seriously, what type of losers go on a Wedding Road Trip? Oh wait…

Tags: unique wedding cake toppers, wedding cake toppers, wedding cake traditions