Cold Feet and Hot Buttons
The other day, Jaime said she was getting cold feet about the idea of getting married. This surprised me and was a bit of an ego blow – who wouldn’t want to marry me? At first, I wondered if she just said “yes” when I proposed because of that big shiny rock I offered her or because it was too impolite to say no.
But as we talked further, I realized… it’s not the institution of marriage itself that’s intimidating… rather, it’s all the things that you’re expected to do once you’re hitched—namely, buy a house and have kids. In fact, there’s almost a vague expectation that you’re getting married just to do those things, since everything else that used to be verboten for single people (sex, living together, going to bed at 10 PM on Saturday night) is now commonplace.
If you really stop and think about it, buying a house and having kids are far more expensive and irreversible decisions than getting married. I proposed to Jaime because I was finally ready to give house and child-ownership a try…
At some point.
In theory.
Maybe.
If she wants them.
But those will be even bigger hurdles than the wedding itself… and I know how long it took me to propose, even when I knew it was the right thing.
So for you married or formerly-married people out there, how challenging was the jump into buying a house and/or having kids? Did those decisions strengthen your relationship or torpedo it? And how long did you wait after getting married to give them a try?
Tags: cold feet about wedding, wedding anxiety
Twitter
Facebook
YouTube
LOL. Man, I thought you were never getting married. I’m happy for you, but man you talked some smack in the past.
Easy: buying a house was no problem. As we’d already lived together and been married for a while and whatnot the issue was merely one of knowing that we were finally living in a place we wanted to stay. Once that happened, we were excited for the house.
As for kids, I’ll let you know when the thought of having them doesn’t make me wake up screaming.
Uh, we were married for 3 years when we bought our house. It was easy, once we found a place I liked enough. Yes, I said “I”. Corde said it didn’t matter as long as I was happy. You might want to emphasize that last bit to Chris! Really though, it was an easy transition.
As for kids, talk to us in a couple years! We are far more open to the idea now than we ever were before. Baby steps…no pun intended.
Well… it’s the expensive and irreversible decisions that make life so exciting! When you come visit us in Kentucky and are bombarded by three young children, your decisions of whether or not to have them might be quickly decided (it could be great birth control!)
As for the house, it was necessary to purchase not only because of the above mentioned children and the destruction that can be caused by them, but more importantly our house is our creative outlet - a place to test our ideas.
We are thrilled to be a stop on your “wedding road trip”… also, we hope our garden counts as “local restaurant” as it should be thriving in June!