WeFace
Meet Alex and Kim. Oops, I’m sorry: AlexandKim. AlexandKim have one Facebook profile, which normally includes their shared last name (I retouched it out). Now, I don’t actually know AlexandKim. They’re a friend of a friend of a friend- and yes; I’m using the singular of “friend,” because, as noted above, AlexandKim are ONE PERSON. (And they’re also both female, according to their profile. I wonder how the Alexand feels about andKim’s decision to change his gender?)
Now, I think AlexandKim look like very nice people. People I’d want to have dinner with and shoot the shit. Of course, AlexandKim would probably disagree, given that I’m clowning on their profile. (A&K: I’m doing this for your own good. You’ll thank me later.)
WeFacers of the Social Universe, repeat after me: GETTING MARRIED DOES NOT MEAN THAT I NO LONGER HAVE A PERSONAL IDENTITY.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WeFacing. None. It’s almost as bad as WeMailing- but at least with WeMailing, no one is subjected to a string of couple profile pictures and status updates like, “AlexandKim are reading a book” (really… at the same time? Are they each holding a side?) and “AlexandKim are in the shower” (ahem).
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WeMailing. Zero. Welcome to 2010- email has been around for more than thirty years. You should know how to run your own personal account by now. So when I write you about my insane cramps and hatred of all things with “wings”, I don’t want to get a response from your husband advising me to take some Motrin.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WePhoning: Unless you’re caught underneath a boulder, rendering it impossible for you to race across the room to answer my call, your spouse shouldn’t be answering your cell phone. And if you’re caught underneath a boulder, he or she should probably be helping you, not talking to me.
Maybe you disagree. Sell me on the virtues of WeMail, WeFace, and WePhone. I’m willing to change my mind… so long as my husband agrees.
Tags: codependence, weface, wefacing, wemail, wephone
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Ok, I see where you’re coming from. I found this particularly interesting: “GETTING MARRIED DOES NOT MEAN THAT I NO LONGER HAVE A PERSONAL IDENTITY.”
I tend to think the same way about sharing a profile or an email address, so my thoughts are “sharing a profile or email address does not mean that I no longer have a personality.”
I have couple friends with shared email addresses who obviously have very separate interests and personalities, and I also have couple friends with separate email addresses yet they both respond to me from the same email address and even to the email I direct to one or the other. In the end, I guess it’s just a preferential thing, which doesn’t bother me. But I totally get why it’s a pet peeve for others, especially for those who highly value individuality and self-expression. I just don’t think sharing a profile negates that.
There is no excuse for this I agree. Joint email accounts weird me out, and a joint Facebook. Why? Seriously. Why?
@Debbie: “Personal identity” not “personality.” I’m not saying that AlexandKim don’t have personalities, but they are identifying themselves to the world as one unit, which can be a sign of codependency and a loss of personal identity outside of the marriage. I’m not saying it is for everyone, however. Just my opinion, and do appreciate the flipside.
I read “personal identity” but wrote “personality.” (These 8-hours/day classes are really affecting my input/output!) I see what you mean. After taking Abnormal Psych this past spring, I found myself diagnosing myself, all my friends and family, and people I barely know based on the symptoms. (I know, rookie move.) If a couple is indeed codependent, sharing a facebook profile or an email address is the least of their worries although not necessarily a symptom. But I can see how it does appear that way.
@Debbie: I think from a single person’s perspective, also, the dual profile is almost as obnoxious as the parent who never has a profile pic of themselves anymore, only the child. (I know, I’m not single, but I still have many single friends.)
Sure, I can see how that would bother some. Depending on the manner of the profile, I’ve seen many that rate pretty high on the obnoxious scale.
The issue of sharing a facebook account never occurred to either Jon or me, but your post made me curious as to why some couples preferred it. I asked Jon’s brother and sister-in-law what their motivation was. Their main reason was that they wanted to be accountable to one another and have one less avenue of temptation for dishonesty and/or cheating. They shared other reasons that made sense in their context, like they’ve been married for 16 years so the majority of their friends are friends to both.
It may not be for every couple, but I thought their main reason is a good one. It serves to protect their marriage in its own way.
Hmm… totally respect the desire for honesty in one’s marriage- but I wonder if an element of trust is missing in a relationship that requires shared accounts to avoid temptation? Not speaking of Jon’s brother/sister-in-law specifically, but wondering if creating more boundaries (ie: shared profiles) could actually work against that goal long term causing one partner to feel resentful (for being “watched”). Also- temptation is a natural part of a marriage. I would be less disturbed if my spouse dipped his toes in the water (sent an inappropriate email) then if he felt restricted and then one day just rebelled. It’s likely that we will all be tempted during our marriage “lifetimes”, sometimes several times over.
Since there is no perfect marriage, couples have to figure out how they’re going to maneuver through tough issues, like infidelity and trust and resentment. There’s no easy answer, and it looks different for each couple as they decide which values and ways of practicing them are authentic and helpful to who they are. I’m guessing part of why you and Chris are good together is because you two either share similar opinions on how you want to handle it (toe-dipping) or are at least willing to work on defining your paths together.