wedding road trip

Marketing Your Future

I just got another email from The Nest, which is The Knot’s online magazine for married couples. Though I’ve tried to unsubscribe (more than once), I still receive this nauseating reminder of coupledom every week. Worse yet, I received a copy of The Nest magazine in the mail last week, which was a) annoying and b) environmentally unfriendly.

Things I hate about The Nest, in no particular order:

• The feature, “what’s nestie now.” No matter how drunk on newlywed bliss I get, I’ll never use the word “nestie” in a sentence. Unless I’m talking about tea.
• The sub-feature, “obsessed with food.” I resent the idea that I should be waxing poetic about recipes now that Chris and I are married.
• Celebrity divorce blogs. I just got married, damn it. I don’t want to be thinking about divorce until at least my second year of wedding bliss.
• Community hot topics. I’m all for discussion, but the following forum topics don’t exactly resonate for most of the women I know: “I never knew about home buying. OMG!” posted by financiallyclueless67 and “Is this kitchen trend over?” posted by almostbarefootandpregnant31.

What’s most infuriating? How similar The Knot franchise is to my student loan- it never goes away. Before I got married, there was The Knot. Then came The Nest. Later I will receive The Bump. Apparently life stops after baby, because there isn’t a site called The Body That Baby Took Away. Don’t expect this to last long, however, as THE POWERS THAT BE OF ALL THINGS KNOTTIE (vomit) are surely going to follow with:

• The Default- How to successfully default on your home loan before you lose everything.
• The Useless- How to deal with losing all the money you deposited into a social security fund that you’ll never see.
• The Grave- How to make your funeral the best ever for under $20K. It’s “Your Perfect Last Day.”

Tags: advertising wedding, the knot, the nest