Commandments for Former Newlyweds

As Chris and I near our first anniversary, I find myself thinking about the word “newlywed.” In three months, I have to say goodbye to the word that has become part of my identity for the past nine months.

To prepare, I’ve devised a list of rules for couples that are nearing the one-year anniversary mark. Note: I fully sanction you to disregard these rules until your first anniversary has passed.

After your first anniversary, thou shalt not:

… use a wedding photo as your profile picture on Facebook. Yes, you look beautiful in your wedding pictures. But I’m guessing you also looked beautiful at least once over the past year.
…still be writing your thank you notes. Granted, someone may have just given you a wedding gift, which means that you should respond accordingly. But if you’re still writing notes to your nearest and dearest for gifts received more than ten months ago, you’d better have a good excuse. Note: Jail is not a good excuse. Everyone knows that inmates have plenty of time to write letters.
… still be angry with your bridesmaids or groomsmen for something they did/didn’t/could’ve/should’ve done during your wedding. They’ve already forgotten about your wedding and have moved on to something more important… the present day. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time in the future to screw up their special days too.
… count the length of your marriage in months. There are few things more annoying than someone who says, “Our child is thirty-two and a half months.” No one should have to whip out a calculator to figure out how old your child is. Similarly, a marriage is counted in years, sometimes half years, after the first one is complete. Acceptable phraseology includes, “just over a year,” “a year this past August, ” and “a year and a half in December.”
… be an active member of The Knot community forums. At least move on to The Nest. It’s all about progression, baby.

And the most important former newlywed commandment is…

Thou shalt not get pregnant because you feel pressured, are bored, or want to be the center of attention. I’m all for populating the Earth, but relax! Enjoy another day, month, or (gasp!) even year of marriage before you jump back into the fire.

wedding road trip