Comments on: Day 42: Cash Money, Part I

By: Mike - one of the "4 cousins"

Mike - one of the "4 cousins" — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:09:12 +0000

My $.02 on this one is having seperate accounts has caused more big issues in marriages than I can count among my friends and neighbors. Some ended up divorced over it. I have to ‘second’ what Allison said (that is Allison my cousin, right?) – we have an obligation to our future as a family… kids, savings, vacations, bills, food, retirement, etc. Saving for items like a house will require all of your resources – better to pool them together for efficiency.

Are you spending in a way your spouse would really question? Maybe it needs to be questioned once your married… Blowing $500 at a bar/club when your saving for a house may not be a good plan… You can have an “allowance” you both pull each month as well – your play money This works for many as well – keep it the same for you both so the issues with raises and such are irrelevant … as salaries increase, the main account becomes more robust automatically. No inequality financially.

You both need to be responsible and accountible to each other. Compromise is very important within a marriage – if you don’t give a little, the trouble starts because that means you want the other to give in entirely.

I remember a seperate-account-neighbor chasing down a garbage truck to get it to pick up their trash – it was a bill that she had said she would pay from her account and forgot – the husband sat back and watched the commotion with a smirk. …it did not improve their relationship at all.

One last point – the biggest raise you can give yourself is eliminating debt. You will likely always have some debt (mortgage, car), but avoid being suffocated by it – it can sneak up on you – especially if either of you are unemployed for a period of time. Pooling money can help pay down debt far quicker as a team, the balances are transparent for you both to see and set reduction goals on. Avoid argueing once your married about where your individual debt came from. Be honest with each other about what you both have – no bad surprises – make a plan, and do your best to carry it out. You need to protect your credit – once married, you NEED TO KNOW what debt your spouse is bringing to the team – if any.

Wow – that ended up like $10 worth of $.02

By: Adrienne

Adrienne — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:40:34 +0000

I think for the first few years it would be cool to have separate accounts. I don’t think I’d want to merge everything right from the jump. That’s always a tough one. I personally, don’t like anyone critiquing the way I spend my money provided the bills are all paid for there is some money in the savings. With days like these one thing I’ve found is there is never enough savings… I can’t wait to read part 2.

By: Allison

Allison — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:15:43 +0000

We had separate accounts for the first couple of years, but it got to be a pain since I generally ended up being the one to pay the bills. Eventually, we cancelled Troy’s account and went for the joint account. He puts money in (and so do I) and then I decide how it’s spent. We generally don’t buy surprise gifts for each other, so we don’t run into your “Tiffany’s” problem. (I’d rather just buy what I like myself and when we want to surprise each other,we do thoughtful handmade gifts or “quality time” gifts which I like much better).

By: Lori

Lori — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 22:33:27 +0000

I can understand the concern about the potential to keep tabs on each other. I wouldn’t want someone questioning my penchant for facials and magazines–and I also wouldn’t want to know if he regularly drops hundreds on drinks for friends. But I imagine I’d want to know we agree to experience “for better” and “for worse” together. So if all of a sudden one of our salaries doubles, we both have the luxury of an improved lifestyle. I guess that’s the question I’d ask you guys:

Are you agreeing to each lead the same lifestyle, even if one of you makes more than the other at some point? If one of you all of a sudden gets a massive salary increase, either through a promotion at Chris’ job or a book deal for you, will you be have more money to play with on a daily basis, or only the person who advanced professionally?

By: Mateo

Mateo — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:07:44 +0000

I think that this was probably the most difficult thing for me to get my head around when I was facing the situation myself. Ultimately it was a moot point (as you know), but I’ll tell you I wasn’t looking forward to really co-mingling our bank accounts and working off of a common budget myself. It felt like I was about to lose a lot of independence and control over something that I had spent most of my life working very hard for.

Needless to say, I would lean towards the solution you two seem to be coming up with (if not entirely independent finances) myself.

Good luck!

By: Kyle Rohde

Kyle Rohde — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:28:37 +0000

How will you handle retirement accounts, college funds for kids, etc.? And what about a situation where one of you makes far more money than the other?