Top Ten Evil Things That Happen to Brides When They Register
Registering for gifts is a useful thing. It helps you and your beloved decide what you’ll need at your new home. It also decreases the risk that you and your beloved will get really unattractive plateware from your distant Aunt Elma.
For some reason, however, registering turns even the nicest of brides (yes, that means you!) into evil little bride trolls. Here are just ten of the reasons how:
#10 You think it’s totally normal to register at your local bank.
“But we just bought a house!” you cry. Awesome. Inviting someone to help pay your mortgage is like asking your best friend to chip in for your electric bill after she comes over to watch The Bachelor. Would you do it? I don’t think so.
#9 You register at stores that are known to give cash back for unwanted wedding gifts.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me to register at certain stores because I’ll get cash back when I return the gifts that my family and friends have purchased off of my registry. To this I say… “why don’t I just walk down the aisle dressed as a set of branches and have people throw money at me instead?”
#8 You have a sudden need to register for an organic juicer.
Nevermind the fact that the last time you had a cup of juice was when you were cleaning out your cubby in kindergarten.
#7 You think it’s normal for a dinner plate to cost over a hundred dollars.
You even find yourself saying, “people will be cool with giving me one dinner plate as a gift, right?”
#6 You decide that you deserve to sleep on 500-thread count sheets when, up until now, you’ve been sleeping on an aerobed with Batman cotton twinsheets.
#5 You register at every store that offers a registry.
You even say things like, “this gives people so many options!” Even though what people are really saying behind your back is, “Troll Bride is one greedy mofo!”
#4 You cry when the flatware you want has been discontinued.
Nevermind the fact that you didn’t even KNOW the word “flatware” two weeks ago.
#3 You send your registry information to your vendors.
Your rationale is, of course, that they’ll be at your wedding, so they should naturally bring you a gift, right?
#2 You send out anonymous tips to friends and family to remind them that you have registries.
Of course, in your gift grubbing frenzy, you forget that your “anonymous tips” were printed on stationery that matches your invitations. Busted!
#1 They know you by name at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
And it’s not because you work there.
Tags: registering for wedding, wedding gifts, wedding registry
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Feel free to register for that organic juicer for me… and the compost bin!
Totally LOL’d at this: why don’t I just walk down the aisle dressed as a set of branches and have people throw money at me instead?” and this “You decide that you deserve to sleep on 500-thread count sheets when, up until now, you’ve been sleeping on an aerobed with Batman cotton twinsheets.” Ha! Great list – and seriously, so true.
This is hilarious. Funny stuff!
The juicer would have been smart for us, seeing as we ended up with 12 fruit trees. You just never know!
As for a money tree, there are people (who, yes, I know personally) who buy a special purse to match their wedding dress and people are expected to PAY to dance with the bride. It is called a money dance, but I couldn’t get the word hooker out of my head.
OMG Allison. I almost spit out my juice when I was reading your comment…
Ha ha, I still have an extra fondue pot from my wedding. You’ll be getting that.
Hey… I like fondue. Lowfat fondue? Is there such a thing?
That’s a joke, btw, though you’re free to have the fondue pot. I’ll get you something you’ll actually use too.
When husband and I got married we did not want to register, in fact we had told both sets of parents that we wanted to ask for no gifts on the invitation. Well, of course the moms stepped in and said absolutely not. So we caved and registered at Target for ONLY camping equipment. Still not good enough and pleasing the moms we went back to register for more suitable items. Because no one would buy camping equipment off a wedding registry.
Then my parents told me some of their clients and had called said they did not and would not shop at Target. To please tell me to go register, at least, at Macy’s. An employee of theirs told me “she just didn’t do target.” Up until that point who knew you could be a low-brow registrant?
And what happened, yeah we got a few things from Macy’s, but we also got ALL the camping equipment. Ha, ha, moms. And the couple’s shower thrown for us? That’s right, it was Camping themed.