The History of Chris
I don’t believe in soulmates. If I did, I would have been married about ten boyfriends ago. In fact, it used to be a running joke in my family that I had met The One. I stopped saying The One about five years ago, but I’ll let you in on a little secret…
I have met The Chris.
Oh sure, there was a string of Brians in junior high school, a string of Kevins post-college, but throughout it all there were The Chrises.
Chris 1: The brother of one of my best friends. She and I thought that being sisters-in-law would be, like, “the coolest thing ever”. So Chris and I dated and eventually moved in together. Hell, I even left the state for the guy. In the end, however, Chris 1 turned out to be more of a brother, much like how his sister is, well, more like my sister. We parted ways amicably and he ended up meeting The One two weeks later (ahem) and married her shortly thereafter. They are still together.
Chris 2: Chris 2 and I met as he was moving from San Francisco to Boston. He was dating a girl at the time, but that didn’t seem to be a deciding factor in us not getting together. Ill-fated from the start, we attacked our long distance relationship with the passion that only comes from having no idea who in the hell you’re actually dating. One summer in the Cape and several drunken nights in which he forgot my name, we were through. He met The One two weeks later (ahem) and married her shortly thereafter.
There were other Chrises too…
- Chris, the dirty, ambiguously married baseball player.
- Chris, the best friend of a male friend of mine who told such detailed stories of his sexual misadventures that I still feel queasy every time I hear the word “tongue”.
- Chris the Writer, who was my favorite kiss-non-kiss.
- Chris the Writer’s best friend, Chris the Writer 2, who I unfortunately tortured during my rebound from Chris 1. Confused yet?
In the end, Chris 3 is, in fact, The Chris. There’s no question in my mind. He is all of the Chrises put together and more.
I think it was fated. 
Tags: past relationships
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No, I am not one of the Chrises mentioned. But I must say- I definitely applaud the name choice.
I dated lots of Chrises too! They all feel midwestern to me, even when they’re from Cali.
did you hear that chris the baseball player ended up in a lawsuit with that ambiguous wife? one of the guys from pcbl told me- I think she hit him or something. nutjob.